Archives 2005

Sterile Halloween

We had another 0-fer as far as trick or treaters goes but on the way home we noticed clusters of huge halloween hordes hitting designated areas because these have been identified as safe and/or alternatives. So instead of going door to door down the street, kids hit small, well lighted, densely populated areas where they can maximize their treat intake in the the minimum amount of time. We saw a huge church that was a designated area so kids didn’t even have to go out in the elements. Of course the kids aren’t allowed to trick or treat by themselves, it’s much too dangerous…

It’s amazing we survived all those Halloweens as kids walking up and down our dark road by ourselves during the 70’s. Well I guess one good part of the new sterile holiday is as a responsible, middle class homeowner I don’t have to worry about kids raiding my house either. Although kids don’t know what they are missing.

I clearly remember the one year I raided. The thrill of putting an M80 in a mailbox and running like mad as you heard the explosion behind you. I remember diving into a ditch as a vehicle with a deer spotlight was scanning the area looking for the vandals that were raising hell around the area. I remember my friend Pete yelling, “Close your eyes so they don’t see the reflection!” We wore dark clothes and stealthed across the neighborhood doing damage that didn’t go beyond the annoyance level. It was a thrill. Of course the 37 year old version of myself would be running down the 13 or 14 year old version of myself after he M80’d my mailbox. Amazing how perspective changes.

Pics, Wilma recap, Birds

Here are some pics from Wilma. There are pics taken the day before, the day of and then the day after.

For whatever reason I haven’t had a real urge to go into great detail about my Wilma experience. Here is what comes to mind.

Ali’s job at the nursing home requires her to be there during hurricanes so I had to take her to work on Sunday night so she could sleep over there. All the forecasts still indicated that Wilma would be a Cat 1 or weak Cat 2 when it hit so we were concerned but not overly so. Our office was closed for Monday and since I knew that we would probably be without power for a little while, I stayed up late geeking on the computer, till 1am. When I went to bed early Monday morning there was some strong breezes but nothing major as of yet. I fell asleep like a rock.

I was jarred out of my sleep by the phone. I looked at the clock and it said 6am. I mumbled hello and it was Ali, she was surprised I was still sleeping. Evidently the heavy weather had started already and I noticed that we had lost power already as well. As the grogginess passed I focused on the howling outside and I knew it had begun. Ali said they had heavy winds for most of the night already and lost power as well. I hung up and went out to the dark great room that was filled with the noises from beeping UPS’s backed up by the sound of the wind and rain pounding on the exposed part of the sliding door in the back. I grabbed a flashlight and shined it outside and saw horizontal rain pounding away. The noise was intimidating and I immediately noticed how the rain was being forced through the bottom of the slider and splashing into the track and the carpet.

I fired up the battery operated TV and ate my pop tarts at the kitchen counter, using a big flashlight as my light source. I saw the imagery of the huge storm coming on shore and initial reports of how it is now a CAT 3 with winds 120 mph plus. Nice, they f’d the forecast again. I watched the storm loop over and over again as they had that on the screen constantly as the news crew spoke in the background. Finally as daylight broke I got a better look outside. The first thing I noticed was the winds were coming from the north instead of the south. I expected them to hit the front of the house like Charley did but instead they were slamming the back of the house. As daylight grew so did the power of the storm. I left the one section of the slider exposed because I thought the winds would hit the front of the house. I was regretting that decision as I pulled out the video camera and stood against the glass. I could feel it bowing in and I was immediately concerned it could implode in and then I would have a real mess on my hands. So for about 20 minutes I leaned on the glass, acting as a brace. I realized that I couldn’t do that forever, so I slid over the big chair and wedged it against the glass. Once full daylight hours had arrived the storm’s full power was on our house. Looking out the back looked like it was something out of a movie. The entire backyard was under water with whitecaps rolling in against the mound the house is built on. It looked like I was in a high speed wind tunnel as the wind whipped water vapor rushed towards the house and then slashed left and right as it encountered obstacles along the way. Hopefully I can rip some of that video and get it online.

The sound alone was enough to strike fear in most people. You would get a small reprieve and then when you thought the winds couldn’t blow any harder, it did. All the landscape in my field of vision was being punished severly, wilting under the power of the wind. However the shed which is just wood and siding construction was holding up even though it was squarely in the path of the oncoming winds. I guess they were serious when they said it was rated to 120. The pool cage had some minor damage, I saw a couple screen panels had ripped out and one or two braces in the top of the cage had broken loose. Eh, no big deal.

As I monitored the storm progress on TV it looked to be totally over land and that we should be in the backside of the eye which is supposed to be less severe. Instead, the wind shifted to the west and intensified. Evidently, the cold front that was predicted to weaken the storm instead strengthened it’s tail end. I got a call from my buddy from work, comparing notes and as I watched, the pool cage got ripped apart. It sort of collapsed in the middle and once that happened, the loose parts caught wind and accelerated the destruction. In less than a minute it was gone. I was taken back by the incident and called Ali to tell her of our first severe storm related damage. She was in a non-windowed area so she couldn’t really see what was going on so she was surprised as well.

I continued to watch the carnage. I saw interesting sights as debris flew around everywhere. I watched with amazement as a salt tank blew from way behind our property all the way to the road in front of our place, a distance of at least 700 feet. Finally, somewhere between 10 and 11 things started to ratchet down. I was able to set foot outside and although it was still very windy, I could stay on my feet. Nicki had to go to bathroom very badly at this point so she did so quickly while she was squatting in very strong wind and pelting rain. A quick walk around the house looked like we were on an island. The water was as high as I ever saw. Up front it was as high as the road. Most of our landscape was either snapped or had a hard lean to the south. The pool cage was a tattered mess with some of it up on the roof, some of it submerged in the pool and the rest flattened around the perimeter of the cement pad. It wasn’t a pretty sight, however the good thing was the house itself seemed to hold up without incident, we didn’t lose one shingle off the roof.

A little after lunch I got the call from Ali that she was allowed to come home. I was worried about the passability of the roads but Nicki and I ventured out to get her. The drive in was unforgettable with scenes of destruction everywhere. Traffic lights sitting in the road, debris everywhere, trees snapped or toppled everywhere and homes with various damage. As I got closer to Naples the scale of damage increased. I went by a mobile home park where certain homes looked fine while others looked like they were ripped open with a can opener. I saw car port roofs wrapped aroud poles and as I got close to Ali’s work the damage was really severe, huge old banyan tress were knocked down everywhere, roofs were damaged, street signs flattened and destruction was a visual constant. I picked up Ali and on the trip back she got to witness the destruction for the first time.

We got back to a dark house but I remedied that by firing up the generator which gaves us power for the fridge, lights, the water equipment and tv. We watched more storm news which began to give more detail regarding the mess which was huge. Basically all of southern florida, east and west coast got hammered. Thankfully the passing of the storm also brought our first cool front of the year so we didn’t have the issue of sweating your ass off since the temperature was now in the 60’s. Through careful cord unplugging and plugging we were able to do things like use the microwave to prepare meals. I had our computers up at one point but had no internet access so there wasn’t much point to it.

For the first 2 days it wasn’t bad, on Tuesday after taking pictures of the damage, I attacked what was left of the pool cage with a hand sledge and knocked it apart, piling up the remains on the hill behind it. I also straightened all the trees I could and staked them fast. The 2 big oaks required me to attach a steel cable to the truck and pull them up. If you look at the pictures you can see the results, not bad. On Tuesday we still had some lukewarm water available for showers. Ali had to work everyday but our office was closed through Thursday so after I did my initial clean up I had time on my hands. Since WoW was unavailable I decided to fire up the laptop and install an old favorite of mine, Starcraft. I worked on getting through the single player missions which was a nice time eater. I quickly remembered why I was so addicted to the game. The rest of my time was spent trying to further our comfort level. Having running water was nice but no hot water was a pain in the ass. I racked my brains on how I could get us hot water. I came up with a strange plan. I bought the last 3, largest capacity aquarium heaters I could find at the local Wal-Mart. I turned them to the max setting and threw them in the holding tank. After a few hours the water felt warm and I was excited at the prospect of having warm water. That night I told Ali to start the shower and wait for warm water to start flowing, which it never did. At best, less cold water came out. Evidently the water was not warm enough to combat the cold water already in the system. I was grumbling to myself as I only washed my head, face and other essential areas in the cold streams. On the second day I thought that maybe if I cut off well water to the holding tank it would allow warm water to flow, nah , no good it was still cold. On Thursday I decided to try something else.

I went to Lowes first, looking for the materials to make a cord to connect my generator directly to the hot water heater circuit. Originally I had heard it was not smart to hook directly to the fuse box because of the danger of backfeeding into the utility system, which could cause disasterous results. However after talking to some employees at Lowes and Home Depot I felt assured that as long as I threw our main breaker before attaching to the box, I would be fine. After striking out for raw materials at Lowes I got lucky and got the correct plug and 50 feet of cable from Home Depot. When I got home I followed the verbal instructions I received and hooked in. When I plugged in to the generator I held my breath as I had visions of smoke coming out or something blowing up. It attached without a fuss and when I went in and touched the heater I could feel a light vibration so I hoped it was working. I gave it an hour or so and was thrilled to feel slightly warm water coming out of the faucet, hot shower tonight, wahoo!!!! When Ali got home, I proudly showed her my handywork. She appreciated what I did all week in an effort to make things as comfortable as I could and my latest effort received more accolades. However about an hour later I noticed my neighbors sprinklers pop up. Hmmmm, how can they work without power to run the pump? I walked over to their house and looked and saw lights on the pool heater. Then I looked down the street and saw a house with it’s outside lights on. Could it be? I ran inside and told Ali I think we have power back. I hurriedly disconnected the generator from the breaker box, threw the main and flipped all the individual breakers on. It was a sweet sound as I heard things springing to life as I threw it’s associated breaker. In a weird way I was bummed we wouldn’t be able to enjoy the end result of water heater work but at least if there is a next time, I will know the drill. Ali and I were thrilled all night to be able to once again enjoy what we took for granted, electricity.

When I finally went back to work on Friday, people traded stories and compared notes on degrees of loss. I was surprised how many people still didn’t have power, many of them living much closer in than me. My mom was among the ones without power. I offered for her to come out and stay with us repeatedly until she got power which she declined. She said in a weird way she enjoyed the challenge of getting through each day without power. Ok, whatever mom.

Here are some other random thoughts associated with the storm

I think emergency officials overall did a good job of reacting to the damage. They were quick to begin work on clearing the roadways and addressing issues. The huge police force this county has came in handy with deputies manning most busy intersections to direct traffic

Cell phone conversations were ajoke during the week. I would walk around the house till I found a spot where I had a bar or two and try to make a call. If I got lucky enough to connect, I would try to quickly blurt out what had to be communicated before I was disconnected. It was hit or miss with miss being the large majority.

Marco Island which was very close to landfall had full power restoration in 3 days

The Everglades City city hall, which housed one of our branches was condemned

We still do not have cable or internet. A tech was out Saturday and it worked for a bit but now it’s totally out again. Our neighbors are fine.

The phone is a mess, although we get dial tone, the line is unuseable as it is filled with static and clicking. The same thing happened after hurricane Charley last year and took 2 or 3 months to fully clear up.

The rain and wind was so intense on the back of the house that it stripped paint.

Running a generator is not cheap, especially with today’s gas prices. I bet I used at least 10 gallons a day, multiply that times 4 days.

I’ve been asked multiple times if it is enough to make me consider moving out of the area to “safer” destinations. Nope, not at all. I have too much invested here and enjoy the weather too much to reconsider at this point.

The Eagles game yesterday was terrible. During 75% of the game, the Eagles looked like the worst team in the NFL. Their defense was porous and the offense was so pathetic it was beyond description. However as bad as it was, I didn’t take it all that hard because I already had decided that a trip back to the Super Bowl is unlikely for this team. The off the field issues, added into McNabb’s injury and Andy’s unbelevably lopsided, one dimensional play calling makes me feel like a return to the playoffs for this team will be about as much as I can hope for.

Back

I really don’t feel like going into great detail at the moment, I will in the near future. The Cliff Notes version is we lost power until last night, the pool cage imploded and is gone, we have landscape damage but other than that we survived ok. The area all in all is messy but liveable. The funniest parts of the past 5 days were my attempts to engineer comfort in uncomfortable situations. I shot video which is pretty impressive. The description I gave to most people was it was like God was pressure washing the land, on high. Amazing sights and sounds everywhere. It was Colliers first direct hit in over 40 years.

10/23 9:40 PM

I just got done dropping off Ali at work. One of the downers of working at a nursing home in Florida is they expect staff to be there during hurricanes. My mom decided to stay with a friend of hers that is only 5 miles off the coast instead of coming out here, against my advice. So tonight it is just me and the mutt holding down the house. Everything is boarded up and put away, I have the 2 vehicles parked sideways in front of the garage door to buffer some of the wind hitting that.

Today we treated like a pretty normal day, we ran in the morning, watched the Eagles pull out a game I was sure they were going to lose and carried on with our day. No big shakes. I tried to give little thought to what difference 24 hours was going to make to my surroundings. I walked around and took pictures outside so before and after shots would be more meaningful.

I find it comical that crazy Jack did zero prep work for the storm. The guy is a contractor for God’s sake yet they didn’t board up one window or pick up one thing outside. Hell his garbage bins are out in the middle of the driveway. I just don’t get it, the laziness……

The latest I heard was the storm is getting a bit stronger, 110 mph and it currently has a huge 60 mile wide eye which means there is going to be a large area that feels the high winds, including us. Right around the time Nicki likes to take her morning walk it will be upon us full strength. Right now it is a bit windy and I drove through some light rain, nothing compared to what is approaching.

Let’s hope we weren’t foolish for sticking it out. Signing off till who knows when…

Waiting for Wilma, back in production

The timeline for hurricane Wilma has continuously been extended for the last couple days. Now they are saying late Monday. It’s weird but I wish it would just come and be over with. The path is still in our area although I don’t know how they can be very accurate with it with so many variables remaining that could affect it’s steering. I will probably be boarding up tomorrow.

After a 2 year hiatus I produced another volleyball video. It is footage from the South Beach event. Since we got Nicki, Ali rarely goes to events with me so I don’t have video footage. Plus, it is amazing how much time it takes for me to make a 7 or 8 minute mini-vball movie. I bet I spent a good 8 hours on this one in total. You can check it out here. To make the file size reasonable I had to compress it which makes the video a bit pixelated but I still think it looks decent.

Well off, 5k, gas

Sometimes I take for granted how good I have it working for local government. We get all sorts of perks like having tons of holidays off, getting discounts from local businesses and all sorts of benefits regarding our personal health. They sponsor a health fair every year where we get all sort of free health screening. The other week I had a thick book sent to my house from the county that was about all sort of common ailments and treatments, sort of my own personal MD. Yesterday I had to laugh when I received a postcard in the mail from the county outlining things I should do to have a safe Halloween. It’s crazy but I am lucky to have an employer that maybe cares too much. 🙂

Yesterday was a double gym day. At lunch I did a biceps routine and then I went back after work with Ali and ran a little more than 5k on the treadmill. It wasn’t bad and I am pretty sure I could have done 4 miles without much trouble. Running indoors, on a treadmill, in AC with a ceiling fan above you does wonders to help your endurance.

Many gas stations are dry already. We were lucky to find one on the way home last night that wasn’t backed up into the roadway. I was able to fill my truck and four 5 gallon gas cans. I should have enough gas on hand to run the generator for a good 3 days or so. The latest projections have slowed Wilma’s approach again yet the most likely path still has it plowing through SW Florida. If there is good news to be had, it seems like the longer it takes to get here, the more likely it is to be weakened by other weather factors. These next few days could be memory makers.

Cancer free, Wilma

I had the skin cancer removed yesterday. I was not really nervous about the procedure at all. The way it worked was they cut out skin and then checked to see if they got it all and if not, cut again. The doc injected the area with a local anisthetic. It was a weird sensation since the area was right in front of my ear. I heard the cutting going on but it sounded like he was cutting through cardboard or thick paper. It didn’t hurt. I had to go back in for a second round of cutting. By the time he was done I had a hole on the side of my head between the size of a dime and a nickel. I saw pictures of it, it looked like a bullet hole. The nurse came out and told us that they got all the bad cells and that we could come back at either 12 or 1:20 to close up. I paused for a second thinking it was odd that I would not go right back in to get closed up, but then said we would come back at 12 (it was only 9:30) So Ali and I burned up a couple hours running errands and going to Target. I didn’t even give much thought to my ear that was covered with tape and gauze pads, although I’m sure people wondered what the deal was. In my mind I expected the closure procedure to be a simple couple stitches and done. It took much longer than expected. When he started he was getting into areas that weren’t numb so he had to reinject those spots. He stitched and stitched, again it felt odd, almost like he was tying a shoe, except the shoe was the side of my face. I sort of got a mini facelift in that area as he had to pull the skin tight to close up the gap, what was a big circle shaped wound is now a straight line. Once the numbing stuff wore off later in the day it was hurting quite a bit. Doc gave me two vicoden but I instead opted for advil since I was unsure of how I would react to vicoden. Today, it is a bit painful but much less so than yesterday. I have a Frankenstein looking, couple inch long stitched line in front of my ear. Because of it’s location it would be a mess to bandage, so I have it exposed for all to see. It’s a nice conservation maker. I’m not looking to have the procedure done again. Wear sunscreen.

In the blink of an eye, this storm went from non-hurricane to a category 5 in less than 24 hours. I have never heard of a storm transforming so quickly and to make matters worse, the current path takes it plowing right through our area. You can sense the mild panic already beginning. I am counting on the fact that no long term projected path I have ever seen for a hurricane has turned out to be accurate. So I am hoping for the forecasters to continue their poor performance, yet we still need to get ready. I have 4 five gallon gas cans in the back of the truck which I’ll fill after work for the generator. If the track continues to be as it is now, I’ll be pulling out the plywood storm shutters we created last year and turning our house into a pitch black tomb again. I have to admit I thought we were pretty much out of the woods at this point. The best news is the gulf water has cooled enough by this time of year that any storm should lose strength as it travels north instead of intensifying. It is going to be a stressful week coming up.

Weekend, Sam’s shit, McJerk, ramblings

Since we were away last weekend I had a 7 or 8 item list to nail down. I got it all done but one item and that was because we had an unexpected trip to Lowe’s to pick up and install a new fridge for my mom on Sunday. Her’s was 20-25 years old and was on it’s last legs. No Eagles football this past Sunday so it worked out well timing-wise.

Originally we went to Sam’s club for the fridge. We stopped in and found one that we thought was priced well. My mom paid for it and then we were told we had to go to the customer service desk to have them call to bring it out. The woman behind the desk said the computer showed they had two on hand. She called over the radio for someone to bring it out and a guy replied replied back saying it would be a “few minutes” until it would come out. When I heard a few minutes, I knew we would be waiting awhile so I told my Mom and Ali to go walk around as I waited for him to show up. So I stood there for 10-15 minutes, patiently waiting. I passed the time watching the crush of humanity wedging through checkout lines, taking notice of the annoyed or distressed look on most of their faces as they muddled through the checkout process and then had to wait in the backlog at the door because of the ridiculous receipt checking practice at the exit. Of course then I quickly took notice of how almost every single person I saw was a physical wreck. Most were either old and broken down or had rolls of fat and double chins adorning their physique. Moments like that are part of what help motivate me at the gym, I don’t want to be one of the countless herd that have given up or are just too lazy to take care of themselves.

Well after 15 minutes, my mom and Ali came back and were surprised to see me in the same spot as when they left. Around that time the lady behind the counter got a call over the radio that sounded like I heard the line “don’t have it” jumbled in there. She got the call while she was in the middle of helping the same woman as she had for the past 10 minutes. During that time the line had become quite long and I found it ironic and aggravating that they had 3 people behind the desk and 2 of 3 were dedicated to signing up new people and 1 for helping exisiting customers. It was a pretty accurate representation of Sam’s attitude, sign up the masses and once you are in, tough shit. We had to wait another 5 to ten minutes for this annoying woman to get done with her issue. Then finally the customer service woman came back to us to the dismay of the long line already waiting. We initiated a refund and pointed out how annoying it was to spend 30-45 minutes buying something that didn’t exist. Her only retort was the inventory system is inaccurate. We asked why there were numerous tags on the display to purchase the item if none were available. Of course there was no explanation. It wasn’t her fault, it is just the way it is at big time chains.

So we headed to Lowe’s and found a large selection and wound up buying a bigger fridge for less money and had someone right there that could help us. I just assumed that Sam’s would have a better price, it’s an assumption I will not make again.

We also had yet another poor customer service experience on the way to pick up my mom. Ali and I both were very thirsty from the outside work we did and decided to drive thru McDonald’s for a drink. We were greeted by what sounded like a mature, pleasant woman asking us to take our order. I spoke out my order which showed up on the confirmation screen and was waiting for the nice lady to ask if that was all, which never came. Nothing else was said and I said whatever, and pulled through. When I pulled to the window it became clear that McDonald’s has adopted using a recording to greet you. The money/order taker was a young, fat black girl with blue contacts and hand made looking tattoos all over her hands and knuckles. She opened the window and said nothing and held out her hand with a miserable look on her face. I give her the bills and she returns the change without saying a word. I scoffed at the latest McDonald’s innovation. Is it that difficult to put someone with a heartbeat on the windows, and hopefully have them be pleasant enough to uttter 3 or 4 sentences to the customers? Ugh, there are far too many people in this world that serve absolutely no purpose.

Early in the weekend Ali pointed out how it was a full moon weekend and how it will make me grumpy. I proclaimed I was fine at the time, which I was, but yesterday and again today I have the underlying negativity creeping into me. It causes me to be generally dissatisfied with most aspects of my life.

WoW has been an up and down thing for me recently. Last week I hardly played at all because I had RL (real life for Wow’rs) things to do. However I joined a new large guild (GUILD – a collection of WOW players grouped in order to accomplish larger tasks in game) Most of my friends were already in this guild and joining it could allow me to do some of the real high end content in the game which is impossible to do solo. I can’t believe it has been 9 months of nothing but WoW. I still enjoy the game a bunch and there are countless things I haven’t done or seen in the game yet, it’s hard to believe. The problem is much of the high end content requires many consecutive hours of play to tackle which is something I am not often able to dedicate.

I do at times still have thoughts about pulling the plug in WoW, it’s a scary idea. When you have invested this much time in building something whether it be IRL or virtual, the prospect of throwing it in the dumper is a difficult thing to imagine. That situation has presented itself to me various times throughout my life and more often than not, I chose to stick with whatever I invested so much effort in, sometimes to my detriment.

Tomorrow I get the skin cancer cut out. I am hoping they don’t have to cut much, I have a mini-crater there as is. If they go much deeper, I’ll get to see what my skull looks like.

Cali recap

This will be a book, so much to cover. Hopefully I don’t forget too much.

We got up bright and early Thursday morning for our flight out to LA. We had to leave before the traffic on our road started to back up so we were out the door before 6 am for our 8am flight. We were both sleepy from the 4:45 wake up time but excited to visit southern california, a place neither of us had ever been to before. It was our first time flying out of our new airport. They built an entirely new facility that just opened less than a month ago. The new airport allows us to exit off I-75 earlier, however the exit is only marked by a small 2’x2′ square airplane picture affixed to the main exit sign. It was still dark and we found ourselves traversing through unlighted streets that were poorly marked and that went through nothing but wilderness. It was quite odd that they spent millions on the new facility but dropped the ball when it came to building access to it. You don’t get to streetlights until just before the airport, it’s very strange. The facility itself is massive in comparison to the old airport. It is bright with high ceilings, modern decor and had all the bells and whistles. However it left me cold. It seemed devoid of anything unique or distinctive. I actually liked the cozy confines of the old place more. Oh well that is just the way I am.

The flight out was on time. It was a roundabout route with us going to Minneapolis to LA. We flew northwest. The planes out were both very old and more importantly, VERY cramped. It had the smallest seats I can ever remember being in and both flights were very full. 5-6 hours in the air in such conditions is not enjoyable in the least. When we arrived in Minneapolis we were taken back by the current weather conditions, 38 degrees and light snow!! Damn…. We wore shorts and t-shirts so the cold air blasted us as we got off. The entire airport was cold and Ali was freezing during the entire layover.

The flight to LA was even longer than the first leg, over 3 hours. I was in the middle seat, behind an older, gray haired man with a crew cut. As soon as we hit cruising height he slammed his seat back, banging into my knees. I sternly but politely asked him if he didn’t mind reclining his seat because he was against my knees. He said nothing but moved it back up. If a flight is full, even though I am 6’3 I never put my seat back if someone is behind me because I know how tight room is. Well about halfway through the flight I had to hit the can. When I came back that son of a bitch had moved his seat all the way back! WTF, did he think I wouldn’t notice? I was pissed off. Ali and I talked loudly about his bullshit manuever, making sure he heard it. For the rest of the flight I did my best to annoy the man by slamming my tray up and down repeatedly, banging his seat and basically just being an ass. He ignored my efforts and when we finally landed he ignored me as I gave him hate stares. I got off the plane angry but at the same time happy to have the flight marathon behind me.

LAX is huge but it is a dump. It looks like it was opened in the 60’s or 70’s and never remodeled since then. The terminal is gray and dingy, the bathrooms are truck stop quality and the flight information is displayed on burned in, ancient, black and white dumb terminal looking screens. I was really surprised that LA, the national trend setter in so many things would have such a dumpy looking airport. On the plus side, our luggage from the plane came out very quickly. It was amazing to see all of the airlines that flew out of there. All of the nations across the pacific seem to have their own airlines. The list was endless.

We found our way out to the area where our shuttle bus was. As we are walking up to the bus who do we see in front of us but asshole seat reclining old goat! He didn’t see me as we were behind him. I didn’t say anything and just got on to the back of the bus and sat down, he still didn’t see me and I just wanted to get my car and get on with it. Well as I am looking around at the incredible bustle of the airport, thinking how small this makes me feel in the large picture of humanity, Ali bumps me. She said the old dick was telling his wife all about the jerk from the plane (me). Ali said it to me loud enough that he heard and looked back and saw me. He immediately shut up and talked in whispering tones to his wife who in turn gave us intentionally unintentional looks to see what animals we were. Ali and I both gave them stink eye. We got off before them and as I walked by I gave him one more hate look but he didn’t bother to look up. F’in jerk. Welcome to LA.

The drive from the airport to the rental office did nothing to raise my initial opinion of LA. Eveything looked trashy, like any big city. The rental office was right in the middle of this area and the rental office decor reflected it with ancient furniture adorned with plastic plants and dirty painted walls. We went to the counter to our agent, a big black guy whom was wearing this huge ring. When I looked closer I realized the ring was made of a bunch of quarters welded together. I said to him “That’s an impressive ring” trying to make small talk. He says “They wouldn’t let me wear brass knuckles so I made this.” I mumbled “Ah ok cool……” and didn’t try to engage him further. He tells me that the car isn’t quite ready and it should be only a few minutes, have a seat. Umm, ok. As we are sitting there a group of asians go up to Mr Quarters. They are younger and are dressed in leather, bandanas, and big gawdy 80’s belts and derbies. In the group was a heavier female wearing more nornal clothes armed with a camcorder. She had tape rolling the entire time, taping the group, taping the ticket agent, taping the traffic out the window and taping us sitting impatiently by the window. Evidently there was some sort of issue with their reservation as they were up there forever. They used the phone a couple times and still were there. After 20 minutes of watching this circus I had enough and started pacing. Quarters was still with the asian punkers, but there were 2 or 3 other agents without customers so I go up to one of them and say “Hey, can you find out what is going on with my car, it’s been 20 minutes” He says something like “Quarters can help you, I don’t have the information” I told him that Quarters was with these other people and doesn’t seem to remember we were sitting there. He basically ignores me and disappears into the back room. I keep pacing and see that Quarters had slid into the back to grab a snack. I look at him and he brings out a woman who identifies herelf as the manager. I asked her what was going on. She was very nice but told me that they can’t find the keys to the car. She said they wanted to give us another hybrid, the Civic. I resisted since I knew Ali had her heart set on the Prius. I told her that I just saw someone return a Prius. She said”Oh really?, ok let me check” A few minutes she came back and said we could have that one. She knocked 15% off the rental fee for the hassle and handed me the “keys”

The keys arent really keys at all, it looks like the remote lock opener. I walked out to the car, got in and realized that it wasn’t like a key operated vehicle at all. I didn’t want to wing it so I went back in and asked the lady if someone didn’t mind showing me how to work the hybrid since I never drove one before. Some hispanic guy came out and said in bad english, but this thing in, put foot on brake and hit power button. Um ok, when I asked a follow up question about how the shifter worked, he said “I dunno! That is all that I do, nuthin else” I thanked him for his minimal information and fired it up. It’s strange starting the car by hitting a button. And when you start it, you aren’t starting it in a conventional sense. You are activating the electrical part of the drive system, it’s very quiet. I took my foot off the brake and the car started to roll out. I quickly got accustomed to it. I was into the big graphic display the car has that shows all sorts of info regarding the drive system as well as climate and radio control. It is a big gadget box which instantly appeals to me. I also hooked up my Garmin GPS, punched in our Palm Springs destination and it spit out complete directions, reenforced with voice prompts. The GPS was a LIFESAVER, otherwise we surely would have spent as much time being lost as actually getting to places. The car was maybe slightly smaller than our Sentra which is the only drawback for me. I’m just sick of jamming myself in smaller cars.

We immediately got a taste of some of LA’s famous features, smog and traffic. As you looked out over the horizon it was cloaked by a gray haze unlike anything I ever saw before. The mountains in the distance were barely visible behind the haze. The traffic was amazing. We were on a 5 lane road that was stuffed with cars. The traffic was stop and go all around LA. Most of the major roads had HOV lanes which we used whenever possible as they did allow you to move faster than the rest of gridlocked vehicles but even so, our progress was incredibly slow.

We were hungry so we asked the GPS to find all the food establishments in our immediate area. After searching for a little bit, Ali mentions some italian place. That sounds good, show us how to get there. The GPS quickly calculates a new route and we take the next exit. As we go down the street we notice that pretty much all of the businesses have their signs in English AND chinese/japanese (cant tell the difference) hmm that’s odd. This little quaint, old fashioned italian place was right in the middle of what looked to be chinatown. We had a nice meal and then as I paid the bill I asked the lady if this was LA’s Chinatown. “No” she says, “they are just taking over, you should see south of here, it’s even worse” Hehe, well at least she was honest.

We hit the road and slopped through endless traffic. We had about 110 miles to get to Palm Springs, about the first 70 miles we were mired in traffic. It took us around 3 hours to get to Palm Springs. The GPS got us there without issue and we often commented on how lucky we were to have this little techical wonder along. The Prius sipped gas on the trip, averaging close to 50 mpg for the journey.

We checked in at the timeshare. It wasn’t as modern as the one we stayed at in Vegas but the room was clean and big. It has 2 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms, more than we needed but that was all that was available. We did a quick check of the facilities and found 2 pools and hot tubs, a tennis court and a small but useable fitness area. I was quite tired from traveling all day long but Ali found out that downtown they were having some street festival that only happens Thursday evenings. I intially grumbled about it but then realized she really wanted to check it out so I relented. We also found out that this weekend happened to be biker weekend, so hordes of bikers would be filing in. Wonderful.

The street fair was bigger than I thought it would be and very well attended. It had mostly crafts and food stands but had a few musicians mixed in as well. My favorite entertainer was at the far end of the festival. There was a young guy that looked like he was spray painted white, standing on top of a bucket. He had on bulky clothes and tight, wrap around sunglasses. His act was to be a human robot and he was fantastic at it. His moves were flawless and he made the robotic noises from his closed mouth, without hint that he was creating them. I could have watched him forever. Ali wasn’t as entertained and we walked away. I told her that I should have least thrown a couple bucks into his tip can. So after I got 50 yards away I turned back to tip this kid. By the time I got back he was done with the show and had his glasses off. I stopped him and handed him a few bucks and told him he did a great job. He thanked me the best he could, he could hardly open his mouth from whatever he had his face coated with. Ali laughed at my admiration of the robot dude but it was damn entertaining.

Finally we saw all the sights at the festival and headed back to the room. We took showers and in the process discovered a small quirk. The showerhead was at a good height for someone 4 feet tall. The showerhead was mid-chest for me so I have to awkwardly bend down in order to wet down most areas. The water control valve was something new as well, you unscrewed a knob to start the water flow and then there was a weird dial that you used to adjust temperature. We hit bed exhausted. As I laid there trying to fall asleep I thought of how just that morning I was in my kitchen and now I am 3000 miles away in the span of a day. That stuff never ceases to amaze me.

Friday was the day we went into Hollywood. We got up relatively early because we figured we would have to fight our way through traffic once again. On the way out we got a better look at the huge wind farm right outside of Palm Springs. It is amazing to see. Hundreds of these windmills, everywhere, turning in unison. That is pretty much the perfect way to generate electricity, too bad it can’t be utilized in a more widespread fashion. The drive back into the LA area was predictably slow. The grass on all of the hills is dead brown, evidently we are in dry season. We quickly understood why wildfires are such a threat to the area. Again the GPS made what would have been a pain in the ass to find, easy and we arrived at the Paramount studio about a half hour early. We spent the extra time walking around the complex. We found a door that said “Dr Phil Audience line forms to the left”, wild. We saw the Hollywood sign up on the hill for the first time. It felt strange seeing something you only know of from TV for the last 30 years.

We went inside for the tour. I thought it was a bit pricey at 35 per person but it was a 2 hour tour and after we were done, it was worth every penny. Our group had 6 or 7 people in it and we were lead around the complex by a tour guide. It was very interesting seeing all the activity inside the studio. People were going every direction, we saw construction guys, assistants running errands and lots of beautiful people all made up heading to various studios. Then it got real cool when we started going into the stages. We got to go into one where they were going to be shooting a sitcom later that evening, it was weird seeing the set laid out with room after room, side by side. If we would have had more time, we would have come back to sit in the studio audience later.

Next we got to go to the Dr Phil set. Evidently Dr Phil is a real hard ass and won’t allow any pictures to be taken inside the set. They weren’t taping that day but we got to go right up onto the middle of the stage and walk around. The security guard there told us all sorts of interesting stories. The studio was frigid and she said the reason for that was because Dr Phil is a big sweater and under the lights it’s even worse so they have the temperature cranked way down. When we walked in we noticed a huge picture of Kareem Abdul Jabbar hanging on the back wall. The guard explained that the picture was put up originally by Arsenio Hall as he taped his show there that ran for 6 or 7 years. After his show went off the shows that followed took down the picture and these shows all had short and unsuccessful runs. When Dr Phil got in there and heard about the picture, he had them put it back up for good luck since Arsenio did well. So far it’s worked out. It was very odd to be standing on a set you see on TV everyday, very very odd. On the way out, Ali briefly sat on Dr Phil’s wife seat, just to say she did. 🙂

Ali and I were both excited about being on Dr Phil (even though I don’t watch the show) but it only would get better from there. Next we got onto the set of Entertainment Tonight. We were blown away when we turned the corner and saw Mary Hart in the middle of a take! We sat and watched for 10 minutes as she did a few takes, watching her flub a few lines and do it over. The set was fillled with dozens of plasma TV’s and watching the entire production was really sweet. The guide headed out but I wished we could have stuck around a bit longer. Right next door was the the set of The Insider, the Pat O’Brien show. They were in between sessions but the crew was all there and they were very friendly and eager to talk to us and show us around. This set also had tons of plasma TV’s as well as a huge multiscreen monitor on the floor. We took lots of pictures and heard all sorts of interesting details about how it works. The one guy let Ali get behind the camera and play a bit. Again, our tour guide headed for the door before any of us were ready to leave but I guess he had to keep on schedule.

We drove by the set for Mission Impossible 3 but weren’t allowed to get very close. The we walked onto the empty set for Soul Train, yes Soul Train is STILL on the air. I had no idea. The set looks the same as it always has. I have a picture of Ali up on the stage, it’s cute. The last set we got to walk around was Charmed which also was not in use. It was a large set with lots of detail, it was interesting to see how they are constructed. On the way back to the tour starting point we drove by the New York City set which is evidently used in many shows and movies. It is a street that looks like it is from NYC. It looks very authentic but in reality it is just a fiberglass front attached to plywood.

The tour ended right at the 2 hour mark and Ali and I were both very pleased with it. We got to see things we never thought we would, well worth the price of admission. We were both hungry so we ate at the studio cafeteria that was full of studio employees, actors, etc… Our next stop was to find the Hollywood walk of fame.

We didn’t even need the GPS to find it. The map we had showed it was only a few blocks away. As we drove the street we were surprised to see how many stars there were. I was under the impression the stars were in an isolated, exclusive area. Instead they line the street for blocks and blocks on both sides of the street and also run up Vine street as well. We were also very surprised to see what the stars were in front of, mostly junkity, junk stores, with the occasional adult store thrown in, not at all what we expected. Well we wanted to see them anyway so we parked and started walking. It was interesting to see where certain stars were located and how the stars were in various conditions based on how old and where they were located. Many people had multiple stars as they can be awarded one for various categories like music, tv, movies, comedy, etc… I took a picture of Dick Clark’s star because it looked terrible, almost like someone vomited on it and then took a dump on it for good measure. We walked and walked. I wanted to make sure I found Jack Lalanne’s star that he received only a few years back. As we tramped along with our heads down we saw quite a few street people types hanging out, as well as one guy that had crutches who was sitting on the sidewalk cleaning stars one at a time. Finally, after seeing almost all of the hundreds of stars we found Jack’s. I had Ali take 2 conventional pics and then a third one with me in pushup form in front of it. Yea it’s silly but who cares? Down at the far end we saw the chinese theater and the area where they put hand and foot prints in cement. We saw imprints from many stars, some from 50 years ago or more, wild stuff. We were both tired from all the walking and piled back in the car to hit our last destination of the day, Manhattan Beach.

Manhattan Beach is considered by many to be the birthplace of beach volleyball so I wanted to see it. It also would be our opportunity to dip our feet in the Pacific. The GPS said Manhattan beach was less than 20 miles away, but to get there through the traffic took an hour or more. The land leading to the beach is very steeply sloped and is packed with houses. The beach is very wide with volleyball nets everywhere. We took off our shoes and walked down to the water. I saw the sign on the lifeguard station pegged the water at 63 degrees. An ankle deep walk confirmed the water was very chilly. Ali stepped in and immediately stepped out. I ventured in a bit farther, almost up to my knees. I was in the Pacific ocean. The air temperature along the coast was dramtaically cooler as well. Inland at Palm Springs and even Hollywood, the temp was in the mid 80’s. At the beach it was barely 70 degrees. We walked the beach a bit, hoping to find a shell to take back but there were basically no shells to be had. The best we could find was a tiny, tiny clam shell. Ali was freezing so I took off my shirt and told her to put it on which she wouldn’t do but she kept it pulled over her shoulders like a shawl. The area we were at also had a large pier which we headed towards. I mentiond to Ali how cool it would be if I could worm my way into playing some ball while we were there. All the nets that had people playing seemed to be even numbers and then as we got close to the pier I saw a net with a bunch of people and a bunch of balls. I thought maybe I could jump in for just a little but when I asked some guys that were bumping around what the deal was, they said it was a beginner’s beach volleyball class. He told me all about how to sign up and I acted like I was interested. Oh well, it would have been cool, I should have packed a volleyball. We went up on the pier and were pleased to see a bunch of volleyball plaques embedded in the concrete. Each plaque had the names of the winners of the Manhattan Beach tourney from it’s inception back in the 60’s. I took pics of several of the Karch teams. At the end of the pier was a mini-aquarium that we took the time to go through. We noticed posted on the wall, a reminder that you shouldn’t swim in the water 2-3 days after a storm. We found that curious and asked why that was. We were told it was because of all the shit that dumps into the water after a strong storm from the drains. Nice… On the way out we watched the 20 or so surfers in the water. Most were in wet suits but there were one or two hardcore guys that just had a swimsuit on. How they weren’t freezing their ass off I don’t know. We headed out, satisifed with everything we experienced that day knowing we had a long trip back to Palm Springs in front of us.

The traffic was miserable. Even though we were on a different 5 lane super highway, it was still jammed with stop and go traffic. The combination of sitting in the traffic and still suffering from jet lag made for an unpleasant journey. It was 8pm at night and we were still sitting in gridlock. I was getting hungry and told Ali I wished we could find a place like Applebee’s to grab a bite to eat. She punches it into the GPS and lo and behold there is an Applebee’s 1.2 miles away!!! Damn that thing is awesome. After a nice dinner we finished our long drive back. Originally we had ideas of hitting the LA area on Friday and then hitting the San Diego area the next day. Spending 6-7 hours in traffic changed our minds and we instead decided to spend the rest of our vaca just doing stuff around Palm Springs. During the the trip we talked about the day and what we enjoyed the most. We both agreed the studio tour was the coolest experience by far. As we rolled into town we saw the motorcycles have arrived en masse. The main drag was lined with bikes. We collapsed into bed, exhausted.

Saturday was a nice day. We slept a bit and got up with no pressing schedules upon us. We planned on the visiting the “continental” breakfast that the resort provides but were disappointed to see that it consisted of a plate of danishes, juice and coffee, that was it. We went back to the room and had cereal instead. Later in the morning we went up and used the exercise room for around an hour. It was a relaxed, mild intensity session but enough to make you feel like you did something. The gameplan for the day was pretty simple. A few miles outside of Palm Springs we saw an Indian Casino and a big shopping outlet center. I was going to drop Ali off at the outlets and I was going to hit the casino, perfect.

After dropping her off I headed to the casino. There were two buildings and the first one I went to had hardly any cars in the parking lot. Odd, I thought but I went in anyway. Inside there were only a handful of people with only some lame slot machines and a bingo room. I walked around disappointed with what I saw. As I was on the way out I stopped at the bar and asked if this was the main casino and the bar maid laughed and said no that was next door, this was just the bingo hall. Ah cool. The parking lot of the other building was jammed. I stepped inside and was happy to see all the bells and whistles, slots, table games, it was all there. I pulled out 100 bucks from the ATM and determined that would be my limit. I walked around for a long time just scoping things out, looking for the video poker machines. I stumbled across a non-smoking area which was nice but it had no games I was interested in so I went back out into the smoky haze. I finally located the video poker machines that were almost all taken but a couple. I played for maybe 10 minutes and managed to burn through 22 bucks. The machine wasn’t paying for shit and was a bit different than most machines I played before so I bagged it and decided to go find some table games. Whether I am playing Craps or Blackjack, I look for the 5 dollar tables, anything higher makes it too difficult to ride out cold streaks without a larger wad of cash. I found a 5 dollar craps table that had some room so I stood back and watched for a bit. I immediately noticed the table seemed a bit subdued and there wasn’t the normal amount of activity going on for a craps table. As I got closer I saw why. Instead of having the players shoot dice to get the numbers, one of the casino employees sits in the middle and draws two cards and that was the “roll” I never saw a place do it this way before and I didn’t like it. It seemed to suck the randomness out of the game and brought the fun factor way down so I passed. Next I was scouting out blackjack. The few 5 dollar tables were packed and the many dealers at the 10 and 15 dollar tables were just standing around whistling dixie. I don’t understand why casinos don’t open up more of their low end tables, I would think it would work out better to have many people playing low stake tables instead of a few playing higher stakes. I circled and circled, waiting for a table spot and finally found one up front. I threw in 60 bucks and got my chips. I had even up and down luck initially and then started to win a few more. Then the asian guy next to me asked if he could bet on my hand as well as his. I thought it was an odd request but it didn’t affect my play so I said sure. I would bet my 5 bucks per hand and he would throw in his 5. It was a way for him to play 2 hands at once. If I had a hand that I could double down on he would double as well. My run of luck was good, I was winning pretty consistently. After a dealer switch, the asian guy got warned that he could not bet on my hand. I immediately pleaded ignorance and said I did not know it was a problem. The guy told the dealer that he does it all the time and it is never a problem. So the pit boss is called over and clarifies that it is ok as long as he gives me the chip and then I place the bet. He had been placing his chip directly on top of my bet which is a no, no. The dealer was a bit pissed that he was basically shown up because he said it couldn’t be done at all, but the game continued. Things went well and I cashed out turning my 60 bucks into 138, a very successful run. I called Ali and asked her if she was ready for pick up and on the ride home I told her stories of my casino success. After our busy Friday, Ali suggested we have a low key Saturday evening which sounded good to me. We ordered a pizza and ate it while we watched The Longest Yard, which we rented from a BlockBuster right up the street. It was relaxing.

Sunday we had another good day. We decided to do our normal Sunday Run but this time through the streets of Palm Springs. We were a bit worried because the day before I started having nosebleeds from the very dry air and didn’t want to start up mid-run. I told Ali I would be fine. Shortly after we started I could feel something going on in my nostril but I just sort of tilted my head back and breathed alot to dry up whatever was there. It managed to stave off another bloody mess. Once we got going I felt good running, we went up and down various streets. I took in the view of the huge mountains surrounding Palm Springs, thinking about the stark contrast of running there versus doing laps at the local middle school. However Ali was struggling and having a hard time with her breathing so we stopped for awhile to let he recuperate. We started up again and in the end wound up running close to the total we normally do. The dry air has the benefit of keeping the sweating down plus the temps were only around 70 while we ran.

We got back to the timeshare and got ready for the rest of the day. It was Sunday so we wanted to try to catch at least some of the Eagles game. We also planned on doing the tram that takes you up the mountain as well as seeing a place called Field of Dreams. We went to FOD first, it is a sports complex filled with athletic fields. The twist is the baseball fields are built to look like minature versions of famous major league ball parks like Wrigley Field, Fenway and Yankee Stadium. By the time we got there, all the fields were in use already. It was really cool. The Wrigley Field had the plant covered wall, an authentic looking Wrigley backdrop and a working scoreboard. The other two fields were equally impressive. We only spent 10-15 minutes there because otherwise they would have charged us for an entry fee. I wish I had a place like that to play growing up, how cool.

We headed to the tram site. You had to drive up 2000 feet to get to the lower tram station. We watched the GPS as it showed us steadily climbing in elevation. The road was VERY steep. The Prius was working hard to keep us moving. We were amazed to hear they had a run and bike race that went from the valley to the tram station that weekend. How in the world someone could run something that steep is beyond me. When we got to the parking lot it was tough to even walk the incline, you had to lean hard and really push for each stride. We got our ticket and didn’t have to wait very long for a tram to arrive to take us up. The tram moved quickly, getting us to the 8400 foot upper station in 5-10 minutes. The floor of it rotates so you get a 360 degree view of the ascent. Ali hates heights so the height was a bit scary for her but she grabbed on to me tight, and hung in there. When we got to the top it was a bit shocking how much of a temperature difference there was. It was in the mid-80’s in the valley but up top the temperature was 50 degrees. Wow. Ali bought a fleece jacket at the gift shop down below and was glad she did. I was just in my shorts and sleeveless t-shirt so I was a bit chilly but warmed up quickly as we hiked. The area up top is really amazing, on top of these high mountains is a large plateau that is filled with trees, streams, wildlife and beautiful views of the land below. After we looked out from the vantage points around the building we hit the hiking trail for a mile and half jaunt around the area. Our legs were already a bit tired from the running so the combination of hiking and the thinner air made the adventure a bit more strenuous than I expected. During many segments I was breathing heavy and had to push myself more than normal. The hike was really scenic and unlike anything we ever experienced before. As we looped back we had to walk up a very steep back and forth ramp leading back up to the building. We passed many people that had stopped along the ascent, holding onto the handrail or taking a breather on a bench. Ali had the same mindset as me though and we never stopped, never grabbed a rail, we both wanted to do it without stoppingand without assistance. By the time we made it to the top, I was breathing like I just got done sprinting, I was heavily winded.

We decided to see some of the other attractions in the building like some short films regarding the construction of the park and the tram itself. The tram construction process was amazing. It was hard for us to imagine how they erected this engineering marvel onto nothing more than barren rock. It is incredible. After we got done we decided to hit the cafeteria style restaurant up top. I saw they had tv’s in the bar area with football on so I figured I could find out if the Eagles/Dallas game was going to be broadcast locally. The bill for the lunch was a hefty 29 bucks but they gave you a lot of food, and considering the incredible view, it was worth it. After lunch Ali hit the upper gift shop and I went to the bar to see if the game was on which it was. I was distressed to see the score was already 14-0 Cowbows, halfway through the first quarter, WTF?? Ali finished up and we hopped the tram back down. The ride down was a bit scarier for Ali since you were forced to look down below which gave a new dimension to how high up we were. I took lots of pictures. We really enjoyed the tram ride experience.

We headed back to the room, hoping to catch the last half of the game. It turns out we didn’t even need to bother. The Eagles played horribly and were embarrassed by the Cowboys. It was hard to believe this was the same team that came back to steamroll the Chiefs the week prior. The NFL in general just seems to be that way this season, from week to week there are wild swings in performances by teams. Green Bay who has been horrid wins 52-3 this week, just a crazy league.

Our last evening in Palm Springs was spent downtown. We looked for last minute souveneirs for my mom and our neighbors who were watching Nicki. It’s hard to buy shit like that for people. You don’t want to buy junk that they will never use or throw away but you also can’t drop a fortune. I think we found some nice stuff after a lot of looking. Later we had dinner at a downtown Mexican restaurant. It had good food and a live band playing. After dinner I danced with Ali for a minute on the dance floor and offered to dance more with her but she said she knew I hated dancing and said we could go. I do hate dancing, especially sober but would have struggled out there anyway for her benefit. We treated ourselves to some Cold Stone ice cream and then went back to the room to pack up.

I stopped at the front desk to ask how I check out if we were leaving before the office opened at 8. He said I could check out now and he would just check my account. I said there shouldn’t be anything on there. He said there was just the 30 dollar cleaning fee. What, what cleaning fee? He said it was the standard charge for room cleaning and was outlined on my reservation. I told him I knew nothing of the fee. I said fine and grumbled for the rest of the night to Ali about it. It really annoyed me. When I looked at the reservation it mentions in small type thet “the resort MAY charge a cleaning fee” but it doesn’t spell out how much it is and says you have to call for details. It pissed me off more. The timeshare does save you money over conventional travel costs but they nickel and dime you enough that the savings are not nearly as much as they originally portray to you. We pay an annual fee to RCI, we pay a fee for each reservation we make, we pay maintenance fees to the resort we bought at and on top we spent several thousand dollars for the purchase of the timeshare itself. After 10 years or so we may break even but who knows.

I set the alarm for 6:25 but I couldn’t sleep for shit. I woke up on my own at 5:15 and decided to get up. As I went out to the kitchen I noticed the clock on the wall said 4:15. I looked at my watch, 4:15. Oh f, evidentally when I set the alarm clock I must have managed to bump the time ahead. Oh well I wouldn’t be able to fall back asleep so I ate my pop tarts and read a bunch of Tom Brokaw’s book, The Greatest Generation, a book about the World War II generation. Eventually Ali heard me stirring and got up earlier than she normally would. I suggested that if we got up and going we may have enough time left over to check out one other area I wanted to see, Beverly Hills. Monday was Columbus Day so we hoped the holiday would mean slightly less traffic.

We were lucky and the traffic was moving better. Ali punched in a random rodeo drive address into the GPS to get us into the area. As we got closer we hit hardcore traffic once again and we started to worry that with the delay, as soon as we got there we would have to turn around and head back to make our flight. It was tight but when we got there we had maybe a half hour we could spend. All the shops were closed as it was before 10 am. Still it was neat to see them and imagine how famous people frequent these streets regularly. I had to hit the bathroom bad and I wanted to find some coffee so we started walking around blindly hoping to find something. Luckily we stumbled on to a coffee shop a block or two off rodeo drive that fit the bill. As we walked around we saw many trendy looking people walking around, all looking like they had somewhere important to go. After taking pictures of the area we headed back into the car after 20 minutes. It was a rushed visit, but at least we got to see it.

On the way out we stopped in traffic behind a woman driving a brand new Ferrari convertible, unreal. Ali said she would rather have the Prius, I confessed I’d rather have the Ferrari, gas mileage be damned. The traffic going back to the car rental place flowed better so we got there with time to spare. We enjoyed the Prius and I would even consider buying one, I just don’t know how quickly that time may come.

As we were waiting for the bus to pick us up, I saw a woman under the tent waiting. She was a blonde with huge fake boobs, 6 or 7 pieices of luggage and her outfit included a hat and black jeans with 2 big stars on the ass cheeks. I asked her how long she was waiting. She said her husband was inside arguing about getting charged 6 bucks a gallon to fill the car since he forgot to fill it. We made a bit of small talk and then waited for the bus. It turns out her “husband” looked to be 25-30 years older than her. A scraggly and honestly an ugly man yet he is married to this young, artificially enhanced woman. Ali and I both shot looks at each other. We wondered what the hell the deal was. We got on the bus and talked to them a bit more. It came out during the conversation that she was a “model” and travels alot. When our terminal came up we said goodbye to them. Ali told me that while we were waiting at the bus stop she saw that while the woman was on her phone she could see a name on it, “Vicki Vette” Google that name and see what comes up but be warned, porn filters may block it 🙂 Yep she does porn movies. After learning that it, her husband made more sense. He looked like an old porn director.

We got to the gate in plenty of time. Ali was very anxious to get home and see Nicki. I was looking forward to getting home as well but there was a part of me that wished we had a few more days to see a few more things, who knows when we will get a chance to do it again? The first flight back was crowded but uneventful. When we hit Minneapolis we stopped at Chili’s to grab dinner, our flight didn’t leave till 7:15 (or so we thought) It turns out, Ali misread the boarding pass and it left 10 minutes earlier. By the time we hit the gate area, everyone was on the plane already! Damn, we were lucky. So we hurried up and got seated just in time for us to pull out onto the runway area and sit. We sat and sat and sat with no info from the crew regarding why we were sitting. It was 20 minutes at least till we actually took off and we never heard a peep from the crew, it was god damn annoying. Northwest did a piss poor job of impressing me on the flights. Their new policy of charging you a dollar for a bag of trail mix and 3 dollars for the “deluxe” snack package was enough to make me not want to ever set foot on one of their planes again. All the other aggravation was just more ammo. The flight from Minneapolis to Ft Myers was not full thankfully. We were near the front. Across the aisle from us was a married couple that were constantly talking about whatever. Then one of them whips out and applies something that smelled like Vicks Vapor Rub or Ben Gay. We were like WTF???? I mean c’mon use some common sense, you are in a closed space and you are going to make it stink like Ben Gay? Nothing makes me dislike people more than air travel, except maybe traffic. So we picked up and relocated to the back of the plane to get away from the cloud of stink. Of course 2 rows behind our new seats there was a guy out cold snoring like a chainsaw, he snored like that for an hour and a half, you just can’t win.

We touched down in Fort Myers a little after 11:35 We got our bags and headed out. We parked in long term parking which is now far enough away that it is a pain in the ass to walk it, so we jumped on the bus, just like everyone else. There were no seats on the bus when we pulled out. The new lot is numbered in an odd way. Instead of using simply numbers or letters, they use numbers, letters AND colors. So we were in RED 1H, there is also a BLUE 1H. What drove me crazy was that the driver was determined to deliver each passenger exactly to their car. Of course people that have been away for a few days do not remember exactly where they are parked so he spent tons of time going up and down the rows, “Do you see it?” “Nope, don’t see it” “Is that it over there?” “Nope” It was maddening, especially late at night when you just want to get the F home. I understand that the policy is good natured at heart but it’s inefficient in execution. It took 20 minutes to get to our car. We exited the parking lot, traversed the pitch dark roads back to the highway and sped home.

Of course Nicki was estatic to see us. We were very happy to hear that she got comfortable enough with our neighbors that she slept over at their place a few of the nights. Since they are home quite often, it will make traveling much more doable for us. The reverse timezone change meant that even though it was after 1am when we hit the sack it didn’t feel quite that late. I will look back on the trip very fondly and would definitely go back. However knowing what I know now about the traffic monster I would plan things a bit differently. The trip exceeded my expectations. Would I live there? The answer is a definite “maybe”. The non-urban areas are beautiful and not much busier than here, it’s a roll of the dice if I would prefer hurricanes or earthquakes.

I have a ton of pics which I will put online as soon as I can.