Had to lol

by Duf Anything and Everything

This was forwarded to me from a friend.  It is an actual profile from a guy on a dating site. and no it isn’t me.  🙂

Begin quote:
I am hoping to meet someone outgoing and with an easy going, go with the flow personality and a very good sense of humor. I am shy sometimes, but warm up quickly to nice people. I love to laugh and, I’m not easily offended. I enjoy finding fun and new things to do. I am a working professional with goals and ambitions and look for the same in the people I meet and hang out with.

I take care of myself, love going to gym and living a healthy life, and would like to meet someone like minded. However; I am not a gym freak (someone who talks about protein shakes and workout routines all day), and I don’t like angry people who get in unnecessary conflicts where ever they go. I’m definitely more of a lover than a fighter 🙂

If you would like to chat sometime and maybe meet, please send me a message. I love making new friends and meeting cool people. I like going out for drinks from time to time, or staying in and watching a good movie, especially comedies.

I actually got a message from a woman over 7’’ tall. So, now I have to say the following:

I never really dated anyone over 5’9’’. I guess I just prefer shorter more petite women. Really tall girls seem like they have man hands. I’ve seen beautiful tall women, but it’s just not my cup of tea… As far as age goes, I will say I generally date younger women, but it’s not a prerequisite, it’s just a preference… I see beautiful women that are older than me all the time. It usually depends on how well they take care of themselves…

Favorite Quote’s:

Sex without love is like food without taste…

I like nonsense; it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it’s a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope and that enables you to laugh at life’s realities.

As shallow at it may seem… This has to be addressed: Plus size = Minus interest

What exactly is plus size:

(plus-size (plus’siz?)

Noun:
1. An extra large or oversize women. One containing a midriff bulge, middle age spread, or a muffin top.
2. Your description says: A few extra pounds…
3. Your waist or hips look like a car tire that’s low on air.
4. You have 10 face shots that were taken from a downward angle. (This is popular among heavy set women with large breasts). They hold their camera phone above their head, and look up at it with their lips pursed and their cleavage showing. It’s interesting, because these same women usually title their profile with “I’m tired of the games…”
5. You look like you should be serving food in a high school cafeteria.
6. I’m not interested…

I can’t believe I have to say this:

If your fat, and your profile says average, but your fat, and on your profile, you have pictures of yourself on your plaid couch with your Chihuahua and a box of KFC, or Burger King Wrappers on your coffee table. Please!!! Don’t send me any messages good or bad. I don’t need or want to see that…

I received a message from a women so hideous today, that I was literally so scared, that I considered deleting my profile, changing my name, and driving to Canada to find a deep cave to hide in!!! Ewwwwwwwwwwww!!! She was bad…

Also:

Please don’t start chatting with me, if your ultimate intention is to force me to adopt “YOUR” hobbies.
For example: If I loved playing cards (I don’t), I would never post a comment like: Anyone I date “MUST” play cards or learn to play cards with me… Some girl I chatted with had a mandate for any man she dates to take up ballroom dancing…Obviously we will want to find common ground and do things together, but that doesn’t mean we should do “EVERYTHING” together! For a relationship to last, it’s important to give each other a little space and accept our differences 🙂

And… A word of advice on our first date, please don’t back the station wagon up, drive in the tent stakes, and break out the baby bassinet…

If you’re the kind of girl who likes to go out on your porch, sit on your aluminum fold out chair, light up your GPC or Magnum 305 cigarette, crack open a can of Natty Ice, and watch your 6 kids play that your collecting child support from 7 men on. Please, take a hike!!!!! As far as photo’s go, please include at least one full body shot and face shot and not from 50 yards away or 10 years ago. I will gladly send my picture/s via email, since POF has quality issues when it comes to the clarity of pictures. No sense in having someone running towards the back exit door on a first date 🙂

If you’re 42 and you look like 102 from over tanning, or you’re simply lying, don’t bother me… A catcher’s mitt with fake boobs attached doesn’t cut it!!! Sorry 🙁