Most anticipated blog post ever..

Well it is anticipated if you are in our inner circle and already have a clue about what I am referring to.

I am not a fan of those people that like to post ambiguous things on Facebook as a status update and then leave the reader to guess what the fck they mean. so to avoid that, here you go, Ali and I are going to be separating.

Yes that is not a typo.

To say it has been a tough weekend would be an understatement although to the casual observer they probably wouldn’t even know as both of us are pretty good at putting up a facade.

The separation conversation started after we had one of our “virtual” arguments, started by my blog post on Friday that was met with Facebook action from her later.  Anyone that follows me/her knows that more than once we have aired our squabbles via cyber mediums.

Surely it is not an effective way to resolve such issues yet we have gone down that path more often than I care to admit.

So anyway, I knew when I got home I would be walking in the door to an unhappy camper.  I tried to cut to the chase and asked her quickly if she wanted to clear the air so we could move on with our night.  She came out but quickly the discussion turned on to an expanded subject matter.  I told her for the past several weeks that I have noticed she was being unusually cold and distant towards me.

Ali sort of shrugged her shoulders and said she was tired of things, tired of issues that we have always had but never resolved.  Instead these issues get pushed below the surface for a period of time until they pop up again and again. Ali and I have struggled with this our entire relationship.  It is very mentally draining.

I agreed that I was tired of them as well and asked her what she wanted to do about it.  I was a bit surprised when Ali was the one to first mention separation as the next step, something we have talked about at various times in the past, but we never had the courage to approach it seriously as an outcome.  Although this wasn’t the path I expected my Friday evening to go, I agreed with Ali’s general premise and the conversation continued from there.

Typically when you hear about married people splitting up it normally is accompanied with stories of a hellacious argument that starts the process, things getting thrown, things getting broken. It was nothing like that for us.

Instead we talked out a basic framework of how it would go down in a surprisingly civil and calm matter.  We both agreed that although it is going to be the source of much pain and anguish, in the long run, this would be a move we both looked back upon as the right thing to do.

It was a very bizzaro situation.  After our discussion we ate our pizza and watched Biggest Loser, just like a normal Friday night.

We kept up the business as usual exterior on Saturday morning as we timed a race, not letting on to anyone that the Duffey team was going to be splitting up.

My feelings were all over the map.  I would have repeated moments where I felt like crying if I allowed myself to think about past good experiences Ali and I shared or about the future arrangements which will include the dogs moving with Ali.  That will be the worst part moving forward.  Not having Nicki and Sadie around on a daily basis will literally break my heart.  It’s going to be damn tough on them as well.

Ali didn’t waste any time before looking for somewhere to live.  She found a couple possibilities and asked if I wanted to come with her since I knew more of what to ask, which I do.  It was a bit awkward accompanying your wife to look at a place to live without you but I’ll chalk it up to a life experience.

We looked at several places, all of them had some pluses and minuses but none of them got Ali terribly excited.  Well we got a suggestion from Christy about one more place before we were ready to head back.  Low and behold this was by far the best option we saw all afternoon.  It was dog friendly, new construction, in a great location and just inside the high end of what we figured Ali would be able to swing rent wise.

We went back on Sunday and finalized the paperwork, Ali will be moving there in early April.

The rest of the weekend kind of went the same way, lots of weird emotions that ran the gamut.  Ali actually seemed to be handling her new reality quite well, she was genuinely excited about her new living arrangements.  To be honest in a way I was jealous.  It would be pretty sweet to move to a nice place that is much closer in with no maintenance or long list of to do’s that have to be addressed week in and week out.

Ali and I both agreed her staying at our house would just be a mess.  Financially she couldn’t swing it and her attempting to handle all the upkeep that I do would have quickly became miserable.  Plus I have a lot more big items like the 3 vehicles that would have to stay there.  Her getting her own place was the only option that made sense.

Our attempts at normalcy continued when I accompanied Ali on a training bike ride late Sunday afternoon.  I suspect even once we are living at two different addresses we will continue to be each others training partner on occasion.

Over the weekend both Ali and I made calls to our parents to inform them about the major change as well as telling our close friends.  Of course everybody was surprised but supportive.  This blog entry will be my notice to the rest of the world.

I am trying to maintain an overall positive attitude about the changes that are now on the way.  I expect a lot of tears to be part of the process but I’m hopeful both of us can wind up in a better place where we both find meaningful happiness.

I think we both knew this day would eventually come, it’s just too bad we ate up 15 years getting around to it.