D Day

I am doing something unconventional, crafting a blog entry in the evening.  I prefer to avoid writing about emotional subjects where others might see a moist pair of eyes.

So today was the court date that Ali and I both knew was going to be here someday.  Honestly it arrived much later than either of us expected when we first separated. We originally planned to try to have it in the books right after the new year, assuming the world didn’t end on December 21st of course.

The journey we took to get to this day hasn’t been as smooth as I hoped it would be but perhaps what I hoped for was unrealistic.  I definitely did not enjoy the moments where Ali and took on an adversarial instead of friendly positions against one another.  It felt foreign and toxic.

For the most part I have managed to keep my nose to the grindstone, getting spun off into dwelling on the past far less than I would have expected going into this.  That might also be because for the most part Ali and I continued a relationship that was not conventional husband and wife but similar in some ways.  We still saw each other and did things together on a pretty consistent basis.  Now that both of us are dating other people that has tapered off quite a bit but Ali and I still interact with each other on a regular basis.

It has been quite the contrast from my first marriage where once she moved out that was it, she more or less became an insta-stranger that I have not spoken to in close to 20 years. Of course the circumstances leading up to that marriage dissolution where quite different and treacherous.

So anyway, our court time today was early, 9AM.  I got countless questions about the shirt and tie I was wearing from my co-workers, since they never see me in such garb.  I was glad the hearing was early, I had a change of clothes packed.

So I met Ali by the courthouse and we found the courtroom together.  She was visibly upset from the get go.  Outside the courtroom there was a mass of people.  Evidently with simplified marriage dissolutions they knock them out assembly line style.  Ali’s lawyer showed up a few minutes early just to go over the process with us.  It seemed pretty simple, they basically ask you 6 or 7 questions and that’s it.

There were 3 or 4 couples that were ahead of us so we knew exactly what to expect.  So they call our name and up we went.  Ali was really crying which always upsets me.  I coped with it by not focusing on her as we answered the questions we were asked. Then in less than 90 seconds our almost 15 year marriage was dissolved.  As I was standing there I couldn’t help thinking about the bitter irony, comparing our wedding day, which had tears of happiness as we exchanged our vows to today, where the tears were for the death of those same vows a decade and a half later.  It stung me badly but I tried to not let it bubble up to the surface.

After being told the final paperwork will be sent to us we exited the courtroom and talked to the lawyer some more.  He has to prepare the quit claim deeds transferring assets around per the divorce agreement, hopefully it gets finished up this week.

So I told Ali I would walk her out to her car.  It was a sad couple hundred yards but I tried to remain as upbeat as possible.  The finalization of the divorce doesn’t symbolize the end of my relationship with Ali, it’s just a new chapter where both of us hopefully continue to grow, learn and find our way to happier lives for whatever time we have left on this planet.