Woops, fanned, ants, 97 f’in yards

Last week I posted a picture of a cool little robot I was getting.  I forgot to mention it to Ali.  Ali mentioned to me yesterday that she made a comment on that post, saying something about she would put her foot down about buying that robot if I asked since she thought it would scare the dog, woops.  I had to fess up that the robot would be showing up on our doorstep this week.  The news was not received warmly.

On Saturday morning after I did a few things around the house I went over to my mom’s place to put up the ceiling fan since we now had electric.  Things went surprisingly well.  In the span of an hour and a half I had the fan up and tested and even put the new bottom weather stripping on her screen door.  I called mom at work and let her know the procedure was a success and I was out the door.  I’m not used to things going so smoothly.  Mom called after she got home to tell me how much she liked it.  I need to get over there one more time to caulk along the outer edge.  While I was there I saw mom’s ashtray and lighter on the table.  When she smokes, she smokes only a tiny fraction of the cigarette.  I think she explained to me once that to her it was better than smoking the entire thing.  I guess it is but I would argue that if you can get away with only smoking a tiny bit of it, just take the leap and quit altogether?  I had ideas of stealing her lighter but I figured that she would just get mad at me like she did when I hid her cigarettes as a kid.

The rest of my Saturday was surprisingly laid back.  Ali was at work all day and a pretty steady rain kicked in during the afternoon that continued the rest of the day, keeping me indoors.  I played some WoW and sat down and watched the uncut, dvd version of the original Jackass.  There is a bit too much of balls and ass in it for me but it still is funny as hell.  I laughed out loud quite often.

One of the things I did during the day was harvest our crop of Lima beans.  I never tried to grow them before.  Our beans were on the small side.  Some of them I waited too long to harvest.  When they were cooked they were very hard.  I ate them anyway.

On Sunday morning while Ali went to two classes at the gym I went out and mowed and weed whacked everything so Ali and I could dig into our big project for the weekend when she got back, trimming the trees.  The cabbage palms we have throughout our landscape are cool but they need some regular maintenance to keep them looking good.  I haven’t done that regular maintenance in at least a year, maybe longer.  My idea was to start in the front of the property and work back.  I figured we could easily get it all knocked out before the Eagles game at 4:15.  Haha.

The trees have grown considerably since we have lived there, in fact the one nearest the road is so tall that I couldn’t even reach the upper limbs even perched on my fully extended ladder.  As cabbage palms grow, their old fronds die and eventually get brittle and snap off when a strong wind grabs them.  To keep them nice looking you want to trim the fronds off before this happens, else you have a bunch of jagged edges.  Well this front tree was full of jagged edges. 

The old branches also decay over time and some times this process is accelerated by carpenter ants that like to live in the tree and eat the dead wood.   I became quite intimate with these ants as the trimming progressed.  I was also introduced to another species of ant, a very tiny sort of ant that also lived among the upper branches of the tree.  As I was cutting down some branches and pulling and snapping off dead wood I was showered in ants.  Luckily neither of these type of ants are vicious like fire ants.  It was disgusting all the same.  The one time I pulled on a seed branch and  unleashed a downpour of the tiny ants AND their little larvae.  They coated my face and arms.  I scurried down the ladder and had Ali help get them off me, it was gross.  After that I constantly felt like I had ants on me.

It was incredible how many branches I cut down.  Initially we enlisted the tractor with the yard cart in tow to deposit the tree refuse into the ditch and the fill pit.  It become apparent that with the volume of limbs, the truck would make more sense.  It also became apparent that there was no way in hell we would get them all done by 4:15.  Plus Ali was rather grumpy.  She was understandably tired from two bust ass classes in the morning, she didn’t realize this chore was going to be quite so laborious.  We wound up just getting the trees in the front of the property done.  I told Ali we could finish them up next weekend.  I may go out during the week after work and cut some limbs too.

So after a quick jump in the pool it was time for another Eagles game.  Again the game was another display of ineptitude with the Eagles being unable to score touchdowns.  When Donovan finally got a touchdown late in the game to put the Birds up 16-12 he celebrated like he won the Super Bowl.  The Eagles were in position to win.  The Bears got the ball back with 1:43 left, no timeouts and pinned back on their 3 yard line, a very difficult situation, unless you are playing the Eagles.  The defense allowed the Bears to march straight down the field and score, offering nearly no resistance.  It was disgusting.  Although the game was a snoozefest up to the last two minutes, the collapse at the end got my blood boiling as I swore loudly at the TV.  This team just sucks.  They have no heart and constantly play down to whatever competition is in front of them.  I almost hope they lose out so we can get Fat Andy and the core of this team out of here and start over.  They have gone as far as they are gonna go with this group.  I want a coach and a QB with some fire in his eyes.

Although there is plenty of blame to go around let me list my biggest disappointments with the team so far.  In no particular order.

1. Jim Johnson – his scheme is old and ineffective, he has gotten a free pass over recent years despite a defense that has been squishy more often than solid.

2. Takeo Spikes –  has he made a single play this year?

3. Considine – it looks like that all that intensive off season training has served him well.  It seems like every week he makes the highlight reel as someone runs through a weak arm tackle of his or getting burned in coverage. He is a back up at best.

4. Jevon Kearse – he has nothing left, a taller Mike Mamula at this point that we are paying lots of money to.

5. Rocca – what good is a guy that can kick the ball 65 yards once every 10 punts if he mixes in 4 shanks in between?

6. Reno Mahe – the least dangerous punt returner in the NFL

7. Donovan McNabb – yes he is coming off injury, but he still after 10 years in the league is alarmingly inaccurate.  His knee isn’t connected to his arm the last time I checked.  Every game you can count on at least two or three one hoppers mixed in with a collection of bad behind/over throws.

8. Andy Reid – I never have seen a coach that is worse at adjusting to changing game conditions.  If A doesn’t work there is no plan B, just try A harder.  His mild mannered, vanilla style is just old.  I’m so tired of seeing no fire out of the guy in charge.

Last night I had more bizarre dreams, I only remember part of one.  I was playing in a Texas Hold Em tournament.  Keener was there as well.  It was an a very odd table that was filled with junk.  Keener only played one hand and then bowed out.  I played for a little bit but all sorts of weird shit was going on at the game.  Instead of having a dealer deal the cards, various players were dealing.  The one time an asian women was dealing and she dealt the cards face up.  I asked her what the hell she was doing??  She said that was the way she wanted to play, it made it easier if you knew the other players cards.  I was speechless with confusion.  One hand the guy next to me somehow had three cards instead of two.  He was all excited when he held three of a kind.  When I told him he should only have two cards he was very disappointed.

The rest of the night I had other dreams that I don’t remember details about except that they were scary, the type of dreams you are relieved to wake up from.