Big cups and storm grates
So I left work early to pick up Ali for the David Gray concert. We were taking the party van since our friends were coming along as well. The PV works out great for these sort of situations. The party van lived up to it’s name, the night was indeed a party. Even though I was not super excited to go to the concert, I pulled out all stops and put on my infamous “party shirt” seen to the left. I have had my party shirt since the early 90’s. It was the shirt I was wearing when Ali met me as a matter of fact.
So we picked everybody up and headed to South Beach. The drive across was entertaining as alcohol was being consumed by my passengers. We got a bit of a late start and as a result we only pulled up to the venue around 7:45 for a scheduled 8:00 concert. By the time we got there every single one of us had to take a leak, some more desperately than others.
There is a parking garage across from the theater but I originally bypassed it when I saw the 7 foot clearance sign. It looked too low for the van. However after circling the block with time ticking away and the bathroom needs of my riders growing I stopped and let Ali and Todd out who scurried to the theater to relieve themselves.
I decided to give the parking garage a try. The van just barely cleared the hanging 7 foot marker, whew. As we drove up the garage one of my passengers could no longer take the pain in his bladder. He requested the use of a large empty plastic cup which he utilized as a portable urinal. Thankfully we had a lid.
The rest of us had to all take a leak pretty bad so we quick stepped it to the theater, found Ali and Todd and quickly headed inside to the nearest bathroom. Originally I had thought the concert was at a big indoor stadium, like the place we saw the Eagles. Instead the Jackie Gleason theater is nice and cozy. Ali camped on the ticket site when they become available and as a result snagged pretty incredible seats, 6 rows from the stage.
Luckily the opening act was still playing as we found our seats. David Gray didn’t start until around 8:30. When you sit that close to the stage you really FEEL the music, not only does the music fill your ears, it hits your body. It was pretty cool. David put on a good show even for someone like me that really knew very little of his music ahead of time (you would recognize a number of his songs) Ali and the girls were in ecstasy.
Although I didn’t drink on the drive across, I tried to make up for lost time when we hit the theater, drinking four or five Miller Lites during the two hour concert. It helped dull the edge a bit. The concert wound up at almost exactly the two hour mark. As we headed for the exits the lines for the bathrooms were out the door so we decided to skip them even though most of us could have used a pit stop. I guess we figured we would find somewhere else to go, although I’m not sure where.
Ali said she would drive since she had less to drink than me. We were a few levels up in the parking garage. There was absolute gridlock trying to get out of the place. In the span of 10 minutes we moved maybe 6 feet. My need to urinate was accelerating rapidly. I told Ali I would be back. I hopped out of the van and walked down to ground level of the garage, searching for bathroom options. It quickly became apparent that I would not be able to find a conventional bathroom, there was nothing around.
My attention turned to areas that could be somewhat discreet. There was some portions of landscaping around the garage that looked somewhat promising but I was afraid a car circling down the ramps would see me. I turned onto one of the streets behind the garage and it was pretty deserted. My urge to go was getting almost uncontrollable. I spotted a BMW parked by a storm grate. Without giving it a seconds thought I got on my knees behind the BMW and relieved myself into the storm grate. Yep, that was a first. I returned to the van finding it almost in the same spot I left it. I found that other riders had found equally impressive ways to relieve themselves which I won’t detail here to protect the innocent.
It took us FOREVER to get out of the damn parking garage, I bet in total we spent close to 45 minutes inching along. When we finally reached the cashier I did a double take when Ali told me what the fee was, $4????? WTF how can that be, I easily expected the charge to be five or six times that. Well just pay the $4 and get the hell out. I later theorized that the attendant may have been skimming fees. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if that $4 didn’t go right into his pocket.
Ali drove until we got out onto Alligator Alley when we once again had to stop to relieve ourselves. It seemed like there was a lot of focus on urination the entire evening. The rest of the drive back was long. Despite grabbing a cup of coffee at the rest stop I was fighting heavy eyelids the entire way home. My head didn’t wind up hitting the pillow until approximately 2:30 am.
Despite my lack of enthusiasm for attending the concert initially, I wound up having a fun time. Most importantly Ali LOVED it. Seeing her enjoy something that much brings enjoyment to me.