Justin Beiber took my blood

So I went to our med clinic to get my thumb examined.  It turned into an odd encounter.

When I got there I was greeted by the receptionist.  She was a cute young girl that for some reason looked like she was dressed up to go to the Blue Martini.  She had an an ultra-short dress with cleavage spilling out all over the place.  I thought it was an odd choice of fashion for a clinic.

After a short wait I am escorted back to the exam room.  When I saw who my examiner was I shuddered, it was mumbly Justin Beiber.  I have had this kid before, he isn’t the PA, he does the pre-exam stuff like get your weight, temperature, blood pressure and ask you what is wrong.

I really have no idea why he would pick a job where he has to speak to other human beings, he appears to be clinically shy.  He whispers and mumbles at you.  It is impossible to get through a few sentences with the guy without asking him to repeat himself several times.  It is just bizarre, awkward and uncomfortable, the three adjectives you would rather not use when describing your medical visit.

So after Justin leaves the PA comes in.  The woman that gave me my surprise DRE when I was 39 was no longer there.  This new PA is younger and lighter so it was ok.  I explained to her the sequence of events that started back on Veteran’s Day, telling her at first I thought it was simply a sprain but then later suspected it could be gout.  She said that is a strong possibility.

She felt up both hands, my feet and knees as well to rule out rheumatoid arthritis.  She asked if my family had any history of gout which they don’t, as far as I know.  My thumb actually has decent mobility right now but if I would try to bend it beyond a certain point the pain comes streaming back in.

She said I would need a blood draw to test for gout and she also set up for me to have an x-ray done on my hand.  I also have a prescription for a steroid to hopefully knock out the swelling.  Maybe it will help my bench press numbers too.

So the PA says they can do the blood draw right there.  Great, I thought, until I saw who was drawing the blood, Justin Beiber…..

So he mumbles and tells me to put my left hand out so he can prep me.  I have a thing about getting blood drawn, I absolutely can not watch the process and I involuntarily will break out in a cold sweat regardless of how hard I try to just relax.  Well having this guy do the draw certainly didn’t help matters.

So he sticks my left arm and starts the draw.  I then hear him mumbling to himself.  I can’t understand a word he is saying but I get the gist, he isn’t getting good blood flow.  I heard “thought vein was good” “maybe collapsed”  So I say, “So you want to try the other arm?”,  just wanting to get the f out of there.  My shirt was now soaked through.

So JB sticks me in the right arm after more mumbling. Thank goodness the flow evidently was better from the right side.  After he was done I was just sitting there, waiting for the normal “Ok you are all done” signal from Justin Beiber, but he just sat there.  I say “Um ok, am I done?”  Justin said I was.  Ok great.

I set my next appointment with the receptionist/hoochy momma and got the hell out of there.  Weird place.