Trying to regain my footing

This covid experience has been pretty miserable.  I have had a rotation of symptoms that covers the spectrum.  They have included body aches, extreme lethargy, the chills, the sweats, coughing, a nose like a faucet and of course the lovely three days of diarrhea.  Although the physical manifestation of the illness sucks it’s the mental side effects that are most impactful for me.

I am a person that is used to being a free standing piece of granite that resists most forces imparted upon it.  I handle problems, address issues, endure hardship, and just get shit done without excuses.  Covid has incinerated that part of me.  Even the simplest task felt too large, my motivation to do most anything was null.  During this time I imagined that this is what it must feel like when you are clinically depressed.  I have never been able to imagine a reality where simply getting out of bed was a task upon itself.  I now have had a bitter taste of that, and I hate it.

There has been slow improvement over the last couple days.  My body still has that overarching feeling of being drained. I still have coughing fits but last night was the first time I did NOT have an explosive bathroom visit since Friday which is progress for sure.  I took another covid test late yesterday and it still came back positive so again I am home working remotely.  My hope is to get a clear test today so I can go back to work tomorrow to restart some semblance of normalcy.

I did cancel my hernia surgery and left it open ended, not wanting to set a new date.  I just don’t need another medical procedure in 2022, f it.  For the last few months I feel I have ridden with very loose reins in several aspects of my life, pushing my better judgement to the side, letting things slide, being careless with spending, and just not doing what I need to be doing.  It’s time to straighten up and fly right.