Lacking, The Edge, Slipping

I have been continuing to run scenarios in my head on how the interior painting is going to go this weekend.  To be proactive I took Friday off to allow me time to move whatever furniture that still needs it.  I will also be doing a last minute clearing out of the pantry and master closet.  I have not quite figured out where I will shove all that stuff yet.  I will also be taking Elsa to Ali’s place for the weekend so she will not be in the middle of what surely will be chaos.  I haven’t quite figured out what I am going to be doing while there is an army of painters in the house.  I am thinking I will have my laptop set up outside and get some yard work done as I need to be available as needed if something pops up.  When the painting wraps up I need to then reorient/refurnish the house, albeit a much more minimalist version of it.  Once that is done, I can finally sit down, take a deep breath and evaluate.

I have had conversations with friends about the house scenario.  In those conversations I have expressed some of my reservations about selling/moving, much of which centers around the unknown outcomes.  The saying, “a bird in hand is better than two in a bush” is famous for a reason.  In this case, I have a home that I love and know.  More than one of my friends have suggested that there is no reason I have to sell, and they are right.  Maybe a fresh face on the house and tremendously less amount of things in it should be enough of a change, for now.  Of course I have thought about that scenario.  However when I do I have equated it to someone fearful of jumping off the high dive climbing to the top of the platform, sticking their toes over the edge, look down, and then retreat back to the ladder, climbing down to the firm ground that they are familiar with.  I have come this far, it seems stupid to not jump at this point, to me.  One of my favorite sayings is “do the hard thing, the power will come”.  I am putting trust in those words.

I once again have rolled into a prolonged period of time where my quality of sleep has been lacking.  The simple act of falling asleep can be challenging unless I am absolutely exhausted.  The maddening scenario is when I wake up around 3-4 AM and my mind clicks on, refusing to quiet down no matter how much I want to go back to sleep.  I have always had a big focus on health and wellness.  Inadequate sleep is an anchor that can drag everything else down with it.  Sure I prop myself up artificially with caffeine during the day but that is certainly not treating the problem, just the symptoms.

I got a report from Ali that Sadie likely had another seizure and her ability to stand and support her own weight continues to go downhill.  I think we will have to make an emotionally crushing but necessary decision, soon.