Can’t Trust, The Brief Rebound, Where Does It Come From?
When I got my big bag of replacement receptacle and switch covers the other day at Home Depot I noticed that all of the self check out stations were manned by employees. I had noticed it my last few trips as well. Self serve checkout is something that is being used more and more by various retailers to cut staffing costs and increase efficiency. This is why I thought it odd that I saw none of the checkout stations were actually self service now. When it was my turn I asked the clerk what was up. She said that the store had a huge issue with theft where people would not actually scan all of their items or in some cases not at all. Dishonest human beings resulted in the store reversing the self checkout feature because they found that people could not be trusted.
To me it seemed like it’s something that could have been kept in check through proper security and surveillance. I mean hell if a giant retailer like Walmart can do it, so should Home Depot. I asked if this was all of the Home Depot locations or just this one. She said right now it was just this one so perhaps additional measures are going to be put in place to stop the abuse/theft. It was sad statement. My natural tendency is to trust people although time and again it has proven to be a weakness, not a strength.
I have talked before about why I have more comfort with one way communication whether it be via writing or on video. When I am able to just express my thoughts without the interaction of a second party some sort of mental barrier is released. You are reading an example of that right now. This has lead to me trying to answer another question, why is it that I feel the need to share as much as I do with the world? Why do I lay out sometimes very real and raw feelings for the world to see? Why do I share so much? Why do I not want my life to be more private? It’s a good question and another one of those things that you never really think about until you are asked to do so.
Sharing or oversharing nowadays is very commonplace. Social media has made everyone into content creators. Ironically one of the things that personally drives me nuts is when you see something happening and every Tom, Dick, and Harry has their phone out trying to record it, especially if it is a situation with one or more individuals are obviously in distress. Don’t try to help but be sure to record it, it will be great on Tik Tok or Instagram! I hate that mentality, yet when it comes to my own life I throw open the door and let you see many things that even my friends wouldn’t know unless they asked. It’s strange.
The blog started back at the end of 2002 and my involvement with YouTube started several years after that, both well before social media was ingrained in our daily lives. But if I really think about where this tendency to share originated from it would be the BBS (bulletin board system) that I started in the 90’s. A BBS was a place to exchange files and share thoughts with others. That was the first time I embraced sharing from an online perspective.
When you have been doing something for so long you don’t even think about the why’s, it becomes part of your fabric as a person. I think the writing I do in addition to the videos I create both serve the same role in my existence, it allows me to work through and evaluate my thoughts. As you are typing something out you can’t help but think in depth about what you are trying to communicate. I think over the years this has become sort of self medication and not necessarily an effective one at all times. I have talked before about some of the dumb things I did with the blog and how I have learned from them. There are many things that I used to share here that I never would do today.
I also feel that both YouTube and the blog allow me to exercise the creative portion of my being which I again feel is therapeutic in many ways when much of my world revolves around logic and numbers. But with all that being said, does it serve me? The best answer I can provide at the moment is “I don’t know”.
In every significant relationship I have had since the blog started it has come up as source of conflict for various reasons. As these conflicts came up I tried my best to listen and understand the reasons behind the issue. I modified what, if, when, and how I talk about certain things. I tried to be more mindful across the board, early on I think I was much more mean and angry. As I changed and grew over the years so did what I talked about.
Over two decades a lot of individuals have come to read the blog and almost without exception the feedback I get is normally positive. People generally appreciate what I put out there, even if they may not necessarily agree with what I am saying. I get comments about my ability to make what to many seem like boring, everyday interactions interesting by adding my personal filter to it.
The positive feedback I receive from the public perhaps has made me less receptive to thinking about how it affects myself and others in private. If I look at it very simplistically, I enjoy writing and producing videos, so why wouldn’t I want to do what I enjoy. So even though I have spent this time pounding out these last few paragraphs trying to work towards a logical conclusion as to why I share my life as I do, I have failed to do so. It won’t be the first or last time I have failed to figure shit out. Maybe I should make the blog invite only where you have to request to see the content instead of it being available for anyone and everyone. If you appreciate what I put out there it would still be there for you but not for the other 7 billion people on the planet.
I picked up Elsa this morning from Ali and Shugs place. Sadie has once again slid back downhill, hardly responding to my presence at all. I talked to Ali recently and I am going to drive back up there shortly to met her at a vet to let her go. It’s going to be emotionally devastating but also the right move. She has lead a full, love filled life but it’s time to let her be at peace. This is going to be rough, for all three of us.