Letting go

Like I mentioned yesterday, since I have resolved to change my living arrangements of the last 21 years I have needed to have a significant change in my mental perspective about things. I have always been a sentimental person, I attach memories to things and because of that sometimes I may feel like disposing of the thing is akin to tossing away the memory. An example from the weekend occurred out in the yard.  When my mom moved out of her place in Naples Park I was given a small variety of pine tree she had in a pot.  I took this tree and plopped it in the yard probably 15 years ago.

The tree has never done well and I don’t think it has grown more than a foot during that time period.  It looked out of place and sickly but I let it be because it was at my mom’s place.  I felt like getting rid of it would somehow be disrespectful of my mom.  Well as I was going around the yard Saturday removing things that were either dead or unattractive this pine tree was cut to the ground with my loppers.  Mom wouldn’t care, I am assured of that.  It was just another mental chain I had thrown around myself.

To do the work I have done the last 6 weeks has required me to rewire this portion of my brain and focus on the feeling of lightness associated with having less “stuff”.  Walking around the house with a fraction of what was in there a month ago is something I have adjusted to. I need to keep this process going.  Sometimes subtraction is actually addition in the end, it just doesn’t always feel that way in the moment.