Friday on fumes, To the Limit, Change of Scenery, Awful, Thrown

On Friday my buddy Clay had reached out and asked me if I wanted to ride and go grab some food/beers with friends of his. I told him I would let him know as I was already running on fumes thanks to very minimal sleep the last several days. However shortly before I left work I told him I was good to go. In my mind the benefit of hanging with a friend would surpass the negatives of running on next to no sleep.

I had a really good time riding and then hanging out at a place I never frequented before. I also got to meet Clay’s wife for the first time which was great. Two more couples showed up to hang with us making me the lone single person in the group. It was fine, I had a good time and discovered I like Iguana Bait beer. It felt good to not be focusing on the bullshit I have been, at least for a short while.

During the day Friday I made a last second decision to do a very quick PA visit. I am going to be staying with my buddy Troy and his fiance but am hoping to meet up with my family during the day on Friday. It’s going to be a very hit and run sort of visit with my only having two days that don’t involve flying on the agenda. Much like rolling with Clay, it’s another effort to help clear my mind and enjoy time with people that love me.

On Saturday I shot a video regarding my One Wheel. I have been avoiding doing an update for quite awhile because I heard of people killing their boards in the process. Clay told me he had avoided doing it as well for the same reason. I decided to give it a go, on video of course.

Saturday night I took myself to dinner at Carrabas where I sat at the bar as I always do, chatting to the bartender Helen who knows me well at this point. I inhaled a big bowl of spaghetti, a full loaf of bread and a salad. I am trying to regain those 5-6 lbs I lost in the midst of the mess of a relationship I just emerged from.

Sunday morning I played pickleball. The skies were threatening the entire time, I was expecting to get rained out but it held off. During the afternoon I decided I wanted to try to get another ride in on the Lynx. Furthermore I decided I wanted to do the full two sets of stairs instead of just one of them this time. Doing the flight of 14 wasn’t horrible, adding one more flight shouldn’t be a big deal. Well I slightly miscalculated the difficulty increase.

Unlike last week where I stood at the top of the stairs pondering my fate, this time I just rolled to the top and immediately headed down, kamikaze style. The first flight of 12 stairs was ok but I didn’t really think much about how much faster I would be hitting the second set. I was barely able to maintain control as I flew down the last 14 steps so fast that the tire was hardly hitting the stairs. It was intense. I rolled away with a sigh of relief and no looming desire to do more steps than that, 26 is enough.

I got back in time to watch the Eagles game. I hoped this was the game where they would get their heads screwed on straight to build momentum for the playoffs. Instead, they fell apart. The 4-12 Giants absolutely crushed them, dominating on both sides of the ball. At this point I have no answers. I don’t understand how a 10-1 team can disintegrate so quickly into the mess we have before us now. I have very little optimism that they will put up much fight in their playoff game at Tampa Bay next week. The team seems to have just quit, for reasons that are unclear to me.

Over the weekend I kept stumbling across things that are remnants of what was my reality last month. The fate of any object that fits that category is always the same, straight into the trash can. Last night food items joined that purge list as there was stuff in the fridge and freezer that was disposed of.

I have been getting at least 5-6 hours of sleep the past few nights thanks to doubling up on my Unisom dosage. I am trying to put the work into derailing negative thoughts about what transpired which typically are what my mind latches onto if I wind up waking up. It’s going to be a long road ahead but I am lucky to at least be free and clear of it so I can focus on what actually matters instead of fake realities.

One other thing I have been mulling about is this blog itself. I was chatting with Troy about it and he mentioned how in the big picture it might not serve me to continue to do it. His point was how it contains personal thoughts and feelings that in some situations could come back to bite me. I have talked before about how in every long term relationship I have had the blog had become a point of conflict in one way or another.

It’s a difficult thing for me to consider. Writing here has always been somewhat therapeutic. I know my willingness to go below the surface at times is interesting to readers. It’s also a way some of my friends and family stay in tune with my life since I live thousands of miles away from most of them. However I need to consider if it is serving my greater good down the road. Maybe the answer is to again make it private, requiring a logon to view or perhaps I just close the public facing side altogether, making it something I do, just for me. It’s nothing I need to decide on today but it is something orbiting around my head.