Unfun, Backlog, The Numbness

Last night was the least amount of fun I have had playing Thursday volleyball. I had a woman on my team that I used to play with on Tuesdays with the group that had a lot of low skill players. I really do not enjoy playing with her at all as she is wildly inconsistent. My frame of mind went south as soon as I found out she was on my team, which is a failure on my part. We only had three on our team so there was nowhere to hide.

My play was inconsistent and each unforced error that myself/our team committed just frustrated me more, making me play worse instead of better. We only won one game during the two hours of play. I am hoping to be able to avoid playing with her going forward. She is a nice person but just like anything in life there are people you like doing things with and people you dislike doing those same things with.

I feel like I have a large backlog of videos I need to get done this weekend. I need to come up with some sort of mental framework to get some of these knocked out. Not only do I have a limited time to shoot content with the ET Max, the Tesla FSD free month ends in 11 days so I have a handful of scenarios I wanted to make videos on. I’ll do my best to get what I can done. I should have a little more free time as going forward I will likely only be playing pickleball one morning a weekend instead of two.

I will have to mix video creation in with other things I would like to get done like catching more of the US Open as it ends on Saturday. Last night as I was having dinner after playing I was briefly talking to a table of women that had just played in the tournament during the day, it was cool.

I have found myself feeling a little emotionally numb recently. I feel callous and cynical towards women for a number of reasons both from first hand experiences and the culture in general. I think so many women have unrealistic expectations of the dynamics of a relationship which has been fostered by decades of female role definition mutation. Ironically the push for female equity has resulted in inequity with what men are expected to bring to the equation versus a woman.

When women get angry if a man says women and men are not equal it tells me they have been indoctrinated into this mindset. Men and women are not equal to each other, they both have different strengths and weaknesses that are meant to compliment one another, not be a source of contention. Venting here of course matters very little. Suffice it to say that my current outlook on finding a partner that compliments and enhances my quality of life is on the dimmer side of things.

Last year ironically I was proclaiming how great it was to have reversed my outlook in this same area in the span of a couple weeks. Could it happen again? Sure. Am I optimistic about that happening at this date and time? Nope.