“Dave”

“Dave” is a guy I knew from playing WoW.  He is one of the people in the game that was quite interesting because he was so bizarre.  His main character in the game was named “Brainherpes” His real name isn’t Dave.  Well anyway, in real life Dave has had a rough go of things.  He hates where he lives and is unhappy with various other aspects of his life.  Getting sucked into WoW certainly didn’t help things any.  Well “Dave” recently decided to quit WoW as part of a plan to turn his life around, good for him.  Dave and I always got along well in the game, our off center senses of humor matched up well.  Well Dave thought he would be nice and sent me all of his remaining in game items for me to do with as I pleased since he would no longer be needing them.  He also included a real world email address.  I wrote to him and thanked him for the stuff and wished him well on his new endeavours.  This is part of the reply I received.

Who can it been now
I don’t like my mail slot.  It is located on my door, which is cool.  The Mail man simply opens the slot, pushes in my mail (proof and reassurance that I exist) and it drops into my apartment.  Well that’s the plan anyway.  There are two slots that need to be opened for the mail to get in, one on the outside of my door and one on the inside.  The Mail man can easily lift open the outside one, but he has no access to the second.  This causes he trouble in pushing my mail in, and it often causes my mail to get wrinkled or bent.  Not a big problem, but it a long and loud process for the Mail man to push my mail through the second slot.  As I am currently working the night shift, I tend to be sleeping when the mail gets here.  Thus, this loud process wakes me up, which I hate.  So I removed the inner slot, so that my mail can more easily and more quietly get into my apartment.  Success, I solved a simple problem and created a new weird one.
With the inner mail slot no longer in place, you can look into my apartment by lifting the outer mail slot.  I sleep, during the day, on my couch, bed in dis-use due to other people masturbating on it (so gross). 
The other day I am trying to sleep, which I still can’t do well during the day, and I hear a weird sound.  I look up and someone is looking at me through my mail slot.  Its not the Mail man, as he already dropped off my mail, and woke me up.  Some person is looking at me, while I try, in vain, to sleep on my couch.  I am in this state between being asleep and awake, that is like sleep, but is not at all refreshing.  Summer’s Eve, now that’s refreshing! 
Later when I do get up I look for a solution.  (Really, you don’t want strangers watching you sleep?  Weirdo.)  I have a box that I was going to throw away that used to hold a lamp.  It s a tall lamp, hence a long box.  (Not a long as my dick.)  Actually, it is quite longer and both my dick and my attention span put together.  If I placed the box against my door it reached just a bit above my mail slot.  Awesome problem solved.  I even placed a set of book ends in the bottom so that the mail would not knock it over.  Hurray!
The next I am again attempting sleep then the box starts to move.  First a little to the left, then a little to the right.  Now it is moving out away from the door.  Mother fucker!  Some one (I assume the same some one who had looked in on my feigning sleep) is trying to push over the box and again voyuerize me.  Luckily the book ends at the bottom hold the box in place, the creepo quits and I return to staring at the inside of my eye lids.  God, I hate my town.  You should too.  Stay in Florida, even though it is a crazy stupid state that can’t vote right. 

“Dave” makes me laugh.