Hard to believe the shit

So as you may have picked up on, I’m not in a great mood. It’s been a pretty shitty day where I have found my emotions oscillating between a number of states, none of them good. Before I left for work I went around the house and started culling a number of things that were visual reminders of what has ended. The Christmas tree now sits alone in a space that was filled with presents, potential and promise only a few days prior. I pulled and tossed a number of things that were joint decorations, each one delivering a small sting as it went into the trash.

When I got home Elsa looked guilty but I wasn’t sure why. She was jumping up at me as I walked her out the slider to the back yard. Once I got on the lanai I looked back and saw a trail of brown footprints that began in the great room. The brown floor evidently did a good job of masking the pile of dog shit that was there, which I now had conveniently stepped in. I was pissed….

This morning it was raining so Elsa, who is fearful of rain among many other things, would not stay out in the yard to do anything. So instead I am welcomed home to a literal shit show. The miserable clean up took at least 15 minutes until I had the floor wiped clean and bleached. My joy level clicked up further when I saw she also puked in the guest bedroom. To hit for the cycle she did not eat her breakfast and thus far ignored her dinner as well.

As you can tell, Elsa is a very sensitive animal and I have no doubt she is picking up on my stress as well. She also was really attached to my ex’s dog and my ex as well. The sudden removal of their presence is surely confusing for her.

I have been coming across various things around the house that I will still need to return. I am giving it a day or two to make sure I have whatever there is so one final delivery can occur. Sure I could take a too bad so sad attitude about it but that does not fall into line with the “treat others as you would like to be treated” mindset that I try to adhere to as consistently as possible.

My plans for this upcoming New Years weekend have obviously taken a right turn. As of now I am planning to live stream on New Years eve, the first time streaming since the last split. Outside of that I am going to try to stay busy and focus on what I have gained from this new reality as opposed to what has been lost. For almost the entire previous 12 months I have had my focus in other directions. I need to strengthen different and new connections/situations moving forward instead of the rinse and repeat of 2023.