Lunk, Dry

A few weeks ago my gym had the brilliant idea of installing a huge sign over the dumbbell racks. In huge letters it said LUNK ALARM with a defintion that read something like this:

LUNK – (lunk) someone who drops weights, grunts or judges others

Mounted on the sign is a big purple chaser light and above it is a siren, yes a siren. The first time I saw it, I figured the light and siren were there for effect, nothing more. The sign was rather overbearing, hypocritical (the sign itself is judging) and stupid but I just wrote it off as someone’s bad interpretation of a clever idea.

Well Tuesday over lunch I was at the gym, doing decline dumbbell presses. As I finished my set I lowered the weights to my side and sat them on end and then let them go as I sat up so they plopped on the floor, they may have “dropped” a total 3 inches and keep in mind these are rubber coated weights on a rubber floor. Just as I sit up I hear the f’in siren fire off for a second. It scared the shit out of me and I look around and spot the middle aged, little woman behind the front desk looking at me with a stupid grin on her face. I was pissed off. I think she just identified me as a LUNK! Me, the guy that wipes down the machines after he uses him, the guy that organizes the weight plates, the guy that has been there since the doors opened, a lunk. However I wasn’t 100% sure she directed it at me so I acted like nothing was going on. The noise scared everyone in the gym. The more time passed, the more my blood boiled at the ridiculousness of this device. However when I left I didn’t comment to the little troll behind the desk because I knew I was going to blow up. I was cursing myself as I walked out on the lot, knowing that I should have called her out on being an idiot, on having nothing better to do than observe members and try to embarrass them if she determined you put down a weight harder than she was comfortable with. But I didn’t, I was already late getting back from lunch and causing a scene would have been a mess. Yet, I know I would have felt better if I did.

So after I got back my anger continued to be amplified because it was compiled with the anger I had with myself for not freakin out right then and there. So instead I resorted to my specialty, an angry email. In the email I identified that the lunk alarm was the stupidest thing I ever saw in 20 years of going to a gym. I questioned the business sense in installing a device designed to embarrass it’s customers. I pointed out that having someone fire off a siren in an environment where people are routinely lifting heavy weights over their heads could easily cause a personal injury which would be squarely their fault. I used my name and real email address and sent it off. I received no response and haven’t seen the little bitch behind the desk since Tuesday. Who knows if they even got it our care about it but if that f’in thing ever goes off again I WILL go ballistic. The only bad thing is I am running out of gym options.

It has been very dry here, we have had next to zero rain the past couple months. I drove out to our Everglades City branch which takes me right through part of the Everglades. Normally the water is right next to the road, however now, the water is gone and instead has been replaced by large sandy spots and low grass. I never have seen it like that. It has to make the airboat tourist business challenging. Because of Hurricane Wilma, our office has been relocated to a FEMA supplied trailer.