Ready to pop, epic

So I left work a couple hours early yesterday to get ready to leave for the U2 concert.  When I got home I already felt tired, not a good thing since I would not be back at the house until early in the AM.  I actually laid on the guest bed for a few minutes with my eyes closed, like that would do anything at all.

On our way to meet Taylor and Michelle I drove through DD to grab some coffee, hoping the caffeine injection would help stave off drowsiness. We met at a Panera to grab food that we could eat on the way.  We beat them there so we actually had time to eat our food outside.

Taylor offered to be the driver this time around since I was the chaffeur for the last concert we went to in South Beach.  I offered to drive the party van several times again but he felt it was only fair that he took his turn behind the wheel.  Taylor drives a very nice BMW so it was much more formal travel accommodations than the party van where being neat and tidy is of minimal importance.

Once we got out on Alligator Alley I dug into my small cooler of Miller Lites.  I put down about three and a half of them when I realized I had to take a leak pretty badly.  I stopped all liquid consumption at that time.  The coffee, soda from Panera and the beers had crept up on me quickly.  What felt like a mild urge to go quickly accelerated to a strong urge.

We were getting  close to the stadium but we started hitting some severe traffic.  I told Taylor I didn’t think I would be able to hold out that long.  The 10-15 minutes it took for us to find an exit to relieve myself felt like an hour.  The pain from holding back a torrent of fluid radiated up into my stomach.  I started to feel sweat breaking out on my brow.  I seriously considered just jumping out the door while we were stopped on the highway and just letting loose in plain sight.  It was that bad.

Finally we pull into a convenience store lot and I hobble into the front doors quickly but bent over at the waist in pain.  Thank GOD there was nobody in the single unisex bathroom ahead of me.  I was on the last few seconds that my sphincter could endure.

When I broke the dam I uncontrollably moaned in relief.  It was both painful and wonderful to release that awful pressure.  I swear the flow was going for a solid 60 seconds at least.  I had to laugh when I came out and some dude that was waiting to use the facilities asked me if I was ok.  Evidently he heard my moaning.  I just mumbled, “yeah” and returned to the car, feeling like a new person.

The concert was supposed to “start” at 7 but that was just the opening act.  I don’t think we actually found our seats until 8:30 or so.  When I got a look at the massive stage I was amazed.  How in the world do they move something that immense around the country?  I guess with a LOT of trucks and hands.  It looked like it extended 150-200 feet in the air and had a circumference of equal size. Wow.

They covered every square foot of the baseball field with solid flooring that was engulfed with fans who had general admission tickets.

Before we went in we stopped at a concession stand and grabbed some supplies.  At first we were hesitant because of the lengthy lines.  A woman that heard us comment about the lines said we shouldn’t worry, the line moves real fast. Um ok, we trusted her and jumped in line, and waited, a long time.

The hold up was the staff was behind schedule in their $9 foot long hot dog production.  However the people working the register weren’t very good at thinking on their feet.  They had people standing in front of them waiting for their hot dogs.  But instead of offering to help the next person behind them while the dogs were cooking, they just stood there stupidly, freezing the line in place.

Once we realized what was going on Ali poked her head towards the counter and told the woman that we weren’t ordering any hotdogs and asked for her to take our order.  Imagine that, they could do that.  We grabbed our two $5 waters and my $8 draft beer and headed in shaking our heads at the vacuum of common sense at the concession counter.

I got a text from a buddy of mine from the Naples area that he was also at the concert.  His section was pretty close to ours.  I met up with him in the concourse for a few minutes and shot the breeze.  We headed back to our seats when we heard Bono ramping up.

I had never been to an outdoor stadium concert before.  The first thing I noticed was the volume.  As I walked back towards our seat I felt the music hit my face like a stiff wind.  The combo of sound and mesmerizing AV from the massive stage was pretty breathtaking.

Like I said yesterday, I am no U2 nut but I like their music.  They played a lot of their well known songs and a handful of numbers that I never heard before.  During one of these lesser known songs I was in the men’s room which was nearly empty when I entered.  I had to laugh when a herd of guys streamed in, using the poorly known song as a good time for a bathroom break.

Later on in the concert I was back out on the concourse (Ali, Taylor and Michelle never left their seats)  This time I was scoping for one more beer.  I got in a line at another stand and saw the exact same numbskull behavior on the other side of register.  This time the backed up item was personal pizzas.  There were no less than a half dozen people waiting for their pizza, one guy supposedly had been waiting 20 minutes.

It was a near mob scene each time a pizza came up from the back.  All of the people that had ordered one were reaching across the counter, yelling and reaching, each assuming they had waited long enough for their food.  The clerks handed the pizzas out almost like raw meat to hungry lions at the zoo.  As soon as they got within reach of the angry pizza loving mob, a hand would snatch it away.  It was quite funny since I wasn’t ordering pizza.

Again I had to inject some logic into the situation.  I said to the clerk that was waiting for more pizza to come out “Hey, I just want a beer and a soft pretzel.  Can you please take my order?”  The light bulb above her head turned on and she realized that she didn’t have to just stand around waiting for slow pizza to come out if other people were waiting. Sheesh.

About halfway through the concert Ali and Michelle were standing most of the time.  I never felt moved enough to stand up and preferred to just sip my beer as I watched the non-stop entertainment comfortably from my seat.  The show had this very interesting 360 degree video screen that hung above the band.  Images moved around the perimeter of the screen smoothly.

Well the screen had a lot of tricks up it’s sleeve.  In the picture above you see that the screen unfolded more or less, taking on the appearance of a crotchet blanket.  In the photo to the left you can see it fully retracted.  Throughout the show they used the screen for countless different jaw dropping visuals.  How in the world that all works is beyond me.

The stage also had two walkways that extended from the stage to the outer circle that surrounded it. These walkways moved during different parts of the concert as the band would walk back and forth across them.

One of the coolest moments was when the spotlights on the top of the tower were aimed at a huge disco ball on the top of the massive tower.  It literally looked like there was a miniature star above it all. It was a great show.

So as the concert was wrapping up Taylor suggested that we miss the final goodbye to get a small jump on traffic.  I was all for it.  As is it was already after midnight.  Leaving 5 or 10 minutes early probably saved us 30-45 minutes of being stuck in an automobile log jam.

The drive home felt very long.  The tiredness quickly overcame the adrenalin from the concert.  By the time we got back to the shopping center our Camry was the lone vehicle you could see.  We got home and after taking a quick shower I collapsed into bed at almost 2:30 AM on the dot…

When the alarm went off today at 5:30 am I turned the damn thing off and closed my eyes again.  I didn’t get out of bed until around 7.  I got into work about 45 minutes late but I had warned my boss ahead of time that was a possibility.

I am sure my ass will be in slow motion all day long.  Even the extra large DD coffee I grabbed on the way in hasn’t done much to put a spring in my step.