New lows

So the last 24 hours or so has been in a word, miserable.  Yesterday morning I had been feeling better.  I was pretty sure I had finally cleared the last diarrhea hurdle and my energy level felt better.  Well somewhere around lunch time those positive feelings started to erode.

After eating my normal peanut butter wrap for lunch I started feeling very bloated and gassy.  Considering the very small amounts of food I have eaten the last 3 days it didn’t make much sense to me.  The amount of gas leaving my body seemed scientifically impossible, it was never ending.

The pressure in my abdomen was uncomfortable and despite trying to dispel whatever I could there was new pressure waiting to replace it.  In total this went on for around NINE hours.

My energy level again flat lined and I felt challenged to just sit upright.  The problem is after 3-4 days of mostly laying or sitting around, neither position feels comfortable.  My lower back is killing me making sleep nearly impossible, I instead just roll around with my eyes closed for periods of time.

When Cindy got home she did her best to try to help me.  She made some white rice and oatmeal but I couldn’t eat it.  I had no appetite, barely getting down a couple slices of plain toast and a spoonful or two of oatmeal.  I felt bad that she had to be present in my misery.  Any position I tried to get in was uncomfortable either from the gas pains or the sore pressure points on my back.

I told her I wanted to sleep in the guest bedroom so she didn’t have to be mired in my gassy, restless nightmare.  She didn’t want me to but eventually agreed sensing the “I just want to be left alone” tone in my voice.

Well last night may have been THE worst night of sleep I ever had in my life.  Between the gas and not being able to get comfortable for more than 5 minutes at a time, I bet I may have gotten a total of 1-2 hours of actual sleep.  When I got up the morning the bed looked like it was mangled with comforters, sheets and pillows strewn about as I desperately searched for a combination that would bring relief.

There were two positives though this morning, the gas had finally subsided and I hadn’t had any more diarrhea over night.  However I still felt weak, still wiped out and I was sweating most of the night so I got myself out of bed, showered and left for the doctor’s office.  They opened at 8 so I wanted to get there early.  I ate nothing before leaving as I did not want to add anything to the equation that could flare up while I was out.

So I pull into the parking lot and notice it is very empty.  I look at the front door and see all of the signage has been removed. What the fck?  This is the group I have seen since moving to Naples.  They built this building several years ago from scratch, where were they??  So I get on my phone and find out they relocated for some reason (later found out they couldn’t pay the bills),  about 5 miles south.  Ok I guess I’ll drive there.

Well on the way I was starting to feel things in my gut that were not good.  I hit a nearby Publix and was not happy to discover that diarrhea was once again one of my active symptoms, fantastic.

So after the bathroom detour and refreshing my shitty disposition (no pun intended) I find the office.  I took the elevator to the 5th floor, checked in and filled out the paperwork which is much more focused on how you are going to pay them then what is wrong with you.  As I waited I was annoyed that a guy that sat down after me got called before me but my low energy fog kept me from caring much.  About 20 minutes after I got there I was called.

I expected to be shuttled into one of the exam rooms.  Instead she tells me we were going to the second floor.  Evidently they have another exam area down there and supposedly they had more staff available.  So I get shuffled into a much smaller waiting room.  I again wait at least another 15-20 minutes before getting called back and again have people that showed up after me getting called back before me.  It made no sense but I was in almost pure zombie mode by now.

I get thrown in exam room 16 and am interviewed by one of the medical assistants.  He takes my temperature and then says he is going to test me for flu and strep, just to be safe.  I didn’t quite get the strep test since I have nothing going on in my throat.  Well the method for getting cultures for both of these things is uncomfortable.  For the strep test they stick what looks like a long Q-tip into the back of your throat.  As soon as he did my gag reflex kicked in.  For the flu they use another long Q-tip and shove it far up into your nostrils.  Whatever substance that is on the end burned and felt like it was up at my eyes.

After that unpleasant experience I sat in the room for a loong time before the PA came in, an attractive woman whose name I can’t remember.  I described what my last 4 days have been like.  She at least seemed like she was paying attention and interested in helping me. She said it sounds like gastroenteritis (stomach flu) but she wanted to do some more tests.  She said she wanted to have blood drawn, a urine test and possibly a stool sample and/or rectal exam.  When she mentioned the last part I could not hide my horror.  I asked exactly how do they collect a stool sample?  She laughed and said you use something called a “hat” and it is no big deal.  Ok, great.  She left and said she would be back in a little while.

So while she was gone another woman came in and pulled what seemed like a lot of vials of blood.  I’m not sure how many exactly were taken. If I look at my blood being drawn it makes me ill to the point of passing out.  I then went into the bathroom to give my urine sample.  There was no mention of stool samples so I was hoping I was in the clear.

After peeing in the cup I went back to the exam room and sat there for what seemed like forever.  I had arrived at 8:45 and it was now after 11.  Finally the PA comes back in.  She says the blood work will take some time, the strep/flu test was negative, and yes she wants to get a stool sample.  She said she was prescribing me Cipro and one other anti-biotic but I shouldn’t start taking them until I give a stool sample.

I told the PA I don’t know that I can do that on demand and that it might be better to collect it at home.  She said that’s fine but it also meant I would have to go home, perform what I am sure is an utterly disgusting task and then drive all the way back to the place, some 20+ miles away, to deliver the goods.  That didn’t sound very appealing either.

So the PA leaves and the same woman that drew my blood came in with the stool sample kit.  I wish I could have seen my face as she was describing the procedure to me.  The kit includes “the hat” which is basically a plastic container that straddles the toilet to collect the specimen and then three vials.  Each vial has a “shovel” built into the handle to put specimen into it.  There is a red line that you must reach.  As she was describing the details my mind was wandering, trying to picture the logistics of this event and how utterly disgusting it will be.

So after checking out and gauging my current intestinal feelings I decided I was going to just get this over with in one of the building’s public bathrooms.  Now I can’t get too descriptive with the process as it would vault over the TMI line (if I already haven’t), but let’s just say it was every bit as gross as I expected it to be.  I did feel some pangs of guilt throwing my now used “hat” in the trashcan in the bathroom but I had little other choice.  I certainly wasn’t going to carry it down the hall.

The PA said if I am not feeling better tomorrow she wants me to come back.  I picked up two prescriptions on the way home along with some applesauce.  I didn’t consume any food at all until 1:30 PM. That food was crackers, toast and the aforementioned applesauce.  I am hoping if I go ultra-bland on the food it will get me over the hump.  I think I did myself no favors by having Pop Tarts and milk for breakfast the prior two mornings.  I also stopped the Aleve which would be great for helping with my sore back, unfortunately it too can have negative digestive effects.

Be thankful I left out some of the truly disgusting parts….and at least I avoided the rectal exam.

I just need for this to end.