Cheerful chickens, at least one thing, 2 months

Last night Cindy and I were working on our normal evening chicken duties.  I normally will let them out as soon as I get home so they get some free ranging time each day.  After I change I come back out and start with the stuff like moving the coop, and dumping/cleaning the water and food.  Typically as I do this the chickens will be milling around me.  Even though I am sure the primary reason they stay so close is they associate me with food, I imagine they actually do like us a little bit.  No matter how shitty your day was a few minutes hanging out with the chickens will brighten your mood.

Yesterday I at least got something related to my mom’s estate taken care of, her vehicle.  I successfully got the title transferred from her name into my, Todd & Torrin’s name.  There is an OR between each of our names on the title meaning I will be able to sell it myself.  In order to do this I had to get Torrin and Todd to sign and mail automobile power of attorney forms to me.  I am hoping the sale of the Rav 4 will at least let me replenish the money I have fronted so far.  Once the bank accounts are split I can handle paying off the remaining debt that is out there in mom’s name.

All of the stuff I have been dealing with this week with mom’s estate has shuffled the emotional embers related to her passing.  We are almost two months past her death and I still feel like it hasn’t really hit me.  Sure I have had many times over the past couple months where I had quick hitting rushes of emotion and/or tears but I never had anything close to a full fledged breakdown.  At this point I am not sure that I ever will.

My entire life I have had such hang ups about growing old and death that I think my internal circuitry will not allow me to dwell on the feelings, regrets, and finality of mom passing for more than a few moments at a time.  It’s almost like an automatic emotion suppression system kicks in, perhaps as unconscious self defense.   Whatever the proper psychological diagnosis is of my reaction to all of this, it feels like the only way I can deal with it.

This weekend will be my last before my dad, step mom and their two dogs arrive next Friday.  There will probably be another list created to make sure what needs to get done gets done.