Halloween horror
Well yesterday was my surgeon appointment. It may go down as my most annoying doctor visit ever. Ali was off yesterday so I was fortunate that she was there to field a call from the doctor office saying the surgeon was delayed in surgery so they asked if I could push back my appointment a half hour to 1:30. Ok sure no problem, I’d rather not show up there and sit a half hour if I don’t have to. So I show up right on time at 1:30.
As I walked towards the office door there was a small crowd of 5 or 6 people in front of me who went to the same office, just in front of me. The office was empty before we all entered so I figured the wait won’t be bad. I gave my name and they handed me these forms I had to fill out. They also asked for my insurance card AND my driver’s license. If I was in a cantankerous mood I would have stopped and asked them why they needed my driver’s license for a doctor appointment. After all it is personal information and I didn’t really appreciate giving it out unnecessarily. But I didn’t and instead started working on the ridiculously long forms. They asked things like personal hobbies which I was thought was dumb, wtf do they care what my hobbies are.
As I was filling it out, more people came in, most early for their appointment. I heard the girl behind the desk telling them they may have to wait awhile because the doctor still was not back from surgery. Odd they didn’t say that to me but maybe they figure I wouldn’t have to wait that long. I was patient for a loooong time. I read magazines, lots of magazines. I even thumbed through a spanish version of Sports Illustrated and looked at the pictures. It was uncomfortably warm in there, probably largely in part to the growing number of disgruntled people waiting for the still missing doctor. I closed my eyes and half dozed off in my chair for awhile.
Finally around 2:45 or 3 I reached the end of my patience and asked the receptionist in an obviously annoyed tone if they had any idea when the doctor was coming back. She said no and said if I liked she could take my cell number and call me when my turn was getting close. I accidentally left my cell phone at work so that was not an option. She asked if I wanted to reschedule. If I wan’t so anxious to get the whole ordeal over with, I would gladly do so but I told her I would wait a little while yet.
Finally the doctor arrived shortly after 3 and they took a few people back so they could wait more in the exam rooms. The first person they took back was a 1pm appointment so since my original appointment was 1:15 I figured I should be called back in short order. I sat and watched while another half dozen people went in ahead of me. I held out for another hour before my anger lifted me from my seat once again. I again approach the receptionist, again I have an angry look to me for sure and she does nothing to disarm me, she is basically a bitch. I said “Why is it that the first person taken in was a 1 o’clock appointment, mine was at 1:15, yet all these people are being seen ahead of me?” The woman says that those people were all post-op people that normally don’t take long to see. They normally schedule them all tightly. “So all these people were scheduled in the 15 minute block between 1 and 1:15?” Yes, she replies. I shake my head and sit back down. I was f’ing annoyed. When I finally got called to the exam room it was 4:15. The same bitchy woman was the one who beckoned me, I gave her a blank look and said nothing as she directed me to the room.
So again I wait, I see the doctor scurrying back and forth by the door attending to the various people. A couple times he blurted out he would be right with me and apologized for the delay, at least he acknowledged the wait unlike his staff.
Finally he comes in with an intern dude and glances at the chart and starts asking me questions. He said ‘So you have a bulge, this, that, the other thing…” All of which I said no to, but I have pain. I started to explain the background hurriedly as the doc was obviously being pulled a dozen ways at once. In the middle of the explanation he stops me and has to step out to take a call and then returns.
His quick pace set me off into one of my uncommunicative funks where I allow situations to dictate what I say as opposed to making sure I thoroughly explain myself. I get out how the pain randomly radiates into the family jewels and how I can even feel some pulling on the right side as well at times. “uh huh, uh huh” he spits out quickly, clearly indicating that he wasn’t really listening to me.
Well it was time for another groping. I had to drop my pants again, this time in front of the doc and his intern. I am really getting sick of this. Again I could feel the heat on my face and again my embarrassment from the situation further retards my ability to speak what is on mind. He feels around, a bit more thoroughly than the woman doctor did. He tests both sides (the woman only did the left side) Then he is pulling and feeling the 2 buddies which was somewhat painful which I indicated to him. He authoritatively says “You do not have a hernia on either side” Huh? I was a bit flabbergasted by the seemingly rock solid tone he used while delivering the news.
I asked if it wasn’t a hernia what is it? He pulled out a pamphlet while I happily pulled my pants back up. He showed me a what a hernia was and what he was feeling for. He said he felt nothing that would indicate a hernia. He said I probably have a strain in that area. I asked why that would cause pain down below and he said because of where it is, the swelling associated with a strain could be causing irritation on the thing your nuts are suspended by. Just thinking about it makes me ill. His suggestion, take some ibuprofen to reduce any inflammation and lay off the ab exercises. I was not very satisfied with what felt like a bang bang diagnosis. The entire process was rushed and although the prospect of not having a hernia was good, my symptoms made me feel like he was missing something. He shakes my hand which I didn’t realize was sweat covered until he shook it, surely a side effect of the situation. Even though I felt like the diagnosis was done very quickly and the treatment plan almost seemed flippant, I let him off the hook as he whisked away to his next piece of meat. I grumpily pay 25 dollars for the pleasure of rotting in their waiting room for 3 hours, followed by a quick groping and diagnosis session. I walk out of the office incredibly angry at the entire process, including my lack of action in calling out the long wait as inconsiderate and the quick exam as inadequate.
So on the way home I placed a call with the original doctor’s office, asking for the doctor to call me so I could discuss what this guy told me. I would like to get some feedback. As far as actions go, I am going to take ibubrofen and pay extra care to avoid things that are painful down there. I’ll give it a week or so. If I see no improvement I will probably begin the process over again with a different doctor. I hate the medical system.
We left the light on at home for trick or treaters but we had no expectation of receiving any. We haven’t had any for the last 2 years. Imagine our surprise when the doorbell rang and we saw three kids by the door. We gave them a good stash of candy and thanked them for stopping. I wonder if my gawdy illuminated pumpkins over the door were too inviting to resist?