Yesterday was the first time I skipped a pickleball play session with my crew from work. Normally we play twice a week on our lunch hour. I am the designated organizer of the group, sending out texts to see who can play and trying to recruit more if needed. Despite taking myself off the roster for at least the next two weeks I still coordinated the play session. Staying on the sidelines is something that doesn’t sit well with me. I keep reminding myself that if taking a break results in my being able to participate pain free or at least with less of it in the future, it will be worth it.

The deep chill in our area continued last night. Instead of turning on the heat I decided to add another blanket to my bedding. This is a “fuzzy” blanket, something that Dawn suggested was a crucial addition to every man’s accessories back when she visited last March. I have never actually utilized one in my home until last night. It did the job as I have no recollection of “I’m cold” feelings during the night. It will stay on my bed ready for deployment until the night time temperatures pop up a few degrees.

I had one of those impulse urges to buy a wheel last night. It came on out of nowhere and was not based on any need. I think it originates from more of a desire to distract myself. I resisted the pull to click the buy now button despite the less disciplined portion of my mind telling me otherwise. The reality is I have some obligations that need to be taken care of before I start feeling like I have disposable income to throw at a whim like that. Could I do it, of course. Should I do it, no. Much like knowing a break from pickleball is ultimately the right move at this point in time, suppressing this urge is as well. Needs versus wants can be a boring but important guideline to adhere to.

I finally connected with my buddy at the gym who used to be a sniper, telling him I bought a gun. He was in disbelief but welcomed the idea of going to a range with me to give me some training. In addition one of my pickleball and volleyball friends is an ex-state trooper. He also is happy to show me the ropes. I think it will be interesting to dig into the world of firearms more, especially with friends that can help me do so safely.

My project for last night was getting my V13 100% back to normal which meant reattaching the Clark Pad fairing kit. After a few minor difficulties I had the wheel back to it’s original state which felt good. In total the project took over two weeks which was much longer than anticipated. I’m looking forward to getting out on a longer test ride this weekend although I will have to bundle up to do so.

Speaking of bundling up the arctic air is fully settled in which left my house in a chilly state with temperatures inside somewhere in the mid 60’s while outside the air temp was in the upper 40s. Thus far I have resisted the urge to flip the thermostat to the heat mode instead relying on a hoodie to keep me comfortable indoors. I did notice a chill in bed last night however. I have a single bedspread that is not very substantial at all when it comes to providing warmth. It is proving to be inadequate at these temperatures. Adjustments will be made.

Yesterday Facebook popped up an image from 9 years ago of the finish line arch I had made when I decided to branch out on my own to do independent race timing as opposed to doing it exclusively for the running club. It was an odd decision in retrospect.

Timing races was a demanding, high pressure, and stressful responsibility that really did not pay me anywhere near what it should have. Despite this combination of the reward not meeting the effort required I continued to do the work for years not because I enjoyed it but because I felt responsible and obligated to do it and felt I couldn’t trust anyone else to shoulder that responsibility.

It took a long time but eventually I reached the point where I said enough is enough and stepped away from timing races for the club because of some interpersonal relationships that frustrated and angered me, repeatedly. The idea of doing timing on my own I think might have had a good bit of “f u” involved but within a year I realized it was more hassle than it was worth. This was one of the early moments in the last 10 years where I started to put more value in my quality of life, an effort which has continued.

Despite timing my last race in 2016 I have kept the Green Machine Timing website online to this very day for no solid reason other than nostalgia I guess. There have been a number of examples in my life where I walked away from something that I invested a ton of time and energy into. In every example I can think of I have zero regret for doing so in the end. Race timing is clearly one of them.

Yesterday I received the final parts I needed to complete the repair on my V13 EUC. This has been a long process that has covered more than two weeks as I encountered issues that required several rounds of ordering parts. I did the final work last night in the garage as my kitchen workbench already had the Master V4 on it in a disassembled state. The work did not take long and afterwards I did a quick test ride with no gear in the chilly January air. Things felt and sounded better than they ever have. This upcoming weekend I hope to take an extended ride to confirm the improvements.

Last night I made an effort to get to sleep earlier than what has become normal recently. I was feeling like I was on fumes physically and mentally. I slept well but even after getting roughly seven and a half hours of sleep I awoke this morning with my body desiring more. I need to listen to what my body is telling me much more consistently than I have been.

Speaking of which I think I am going to make a hard choice and give myself an unwelcomed break from pickleball for at least a couple weeks. My IT band issue is now approaching it’s second month and I am getting very frustrated with my inability to make it disappear. However I have been trying to do that while keeping a reduced schedule of pickleball in my routine which I know is hindering my progress. So I am going to do the hard thing and stop playing for a bit to see what sort of gains I can make. This is the perfect time of year to be playing and not being able to take advantage is really, really pissing me off. If after continuing to do stretching/strengthening and not playing I still have issues I may begrudgingly need to escalate the issue to an orthopedist or PT.

Today a pretty significant wave of arctic air moves in and stays put for at least a week sending our area into it’s version of a deep freeze. I don’t particularly mind lows in the 40s and highs in the 60s but there are a lot of people here that will be dressing like Eskimos until the temps moderate.

My New Years day was a good mix of activities for me. I got out on a wheel not once but twice. Something that I assumed I would be doing a lot more after I moved in March of 23 was riding my wheels. Instead for a variety of reasons that really has not been the case. In fact I think 2024 probably had the least amount of miles on one wheel of any since I started in the hobby 8 plus years ago. My intent is to change that.

Riding has always been a way for me to naturally decompress and level myself out if I am feeling out of whack for whatever reason. I would like to indulge in that natural remedy more this year. WoW has historically been another way that I can wipe away whatever transient issues might be circling around in my head. That has also been nearly non-existent in my 2024. Both of these activities offer inherent relief from stress that I should take advantage of more often.

I accomplished my goal of getting the Christmas tree taken down and put away as well yesterday. After changing the outdoor RGB lights from their red and green state back to cool white the house was wiped clean of Xmas and officially back to normal. For many, many years undoing Christmas in my household carried with it a lot of negative feelings. Those feelings are not a thing anymore. On New Years Eve I did receive my final two Christmas cards of the year. As I have described previously, cards, especially unexpected cards bring little bursts of positivity and warm feelings into your day. This was definitely the case, once again.

I also mounted my electric skateboard on the wall of the garage instead of storing it on the back of one of my dining room chairs. It’s one of those tasks that I inexplicably procrastinated on despite it taking all of 5 minutes to complete. I have a handful of other things in that category that I need to address.

Normally I do yoga once a week, on Tuesdays. They also offer the class on Thursdays but I normally will opt to do weight training on that day. I am going to break protocol and take the class today as well. The movements hit my hips in a way that are definitely helping my lower body issues so I am prioritizing getting that better over strength gains right now. I asked myself what would I appreciate more, a bigger bench press number or being able to return to my normal pickleball/volleyball levels of activity. The latter was the instant and obvious answer.

Last night I went to see Gladiator 2. I have always been a big fan of the original film with Russell Crowe. That movie was compelling, emotional, and powerful. I was hoping for more of the same from this sequel which is directed by Ridley Scott, just like the original. Well, I didn’t get it.

The movie had some quality moments but there were far too many cringe worthy scenes with characters that bordered on ridiculous. The film felt poorly written with far too much reliance on flashbacks to the original IMO. I was surprised that with Scott directing and quality actors like Denzel Washington and Pedro Pascal that they couldn’t come up with a sequel that didn’t leave me shaking my head in disappointment repeatedly throughout. I’d give it a C.

I would like to blame my New Year’s Eve plans to have no plans on my still not feeling fully recovered from my illness however the truth is sick or not, going out on this night is not something I typically seek out and/or embrace. My big goal for my day off tomorrow is to unChristmas the house which will be pretty easy this year since I put minimal effort into the holiday decorations this year.

I would LOVE to go over and play some pickleball tomorrow but the continued issues I have with my lower body continue to make me feel like I would be doing more harm than good. I am not huge on making New Years resolutions but one wish I have is to get these various physical issues under control. The IT band related pain is the biggest limiter right now but I also have pain in the left knee as well that comes and go. For good measure my left elbow that I went down hard on during my crash in October has been sore, making pull ups somewhat painful. My right elbow is problematic as well from swinging the pickleball paddle thousands of times. Yea I’m sort of a mess.

I am looking forward to being able to get back into my normal routine as the new year launches. It feels like I have not been able to get back into that normalcy for nearly a month for various reasons. My hope is regular yoga, stretching, exercises targeting the weak areas and limiting things that can aggravate the issues will allow me to get back to the point where I am functioning better physically.

Happy New Year to anyone taking the time to read this. I appreciate you.

It’s funny. Last year the recap came right after the dramatic split with my ex, a time period where I just did not feel like writing about that or anything else. This year I find myself lacking motivation again, but for different reasons I suppose. Let’s see what comes of it.

Things I proposed as goals in 2024 were as follows.

A continued improvement in my overall health and wellness in 2024, hmmm well yes and no. Up until a couple months ago I would say my overall health and fitness did continue to improve aside from that little visit to the ER in April where I thought I was having a heart attack. When I went to California in early July that improved fitness level translated into a much better performance while riding compared to when I did the same thing 18 months prior. I was playing pickleball 4 times a week regularly as well as continuing my once a week sand volleyball play. Then it came to a stop.

A couple months ago I started developing pain in my right IT band that has been chronic. It’s difficult because not only does it cause pain in the hip but also the right knee. I have been trying to maintain a reduced pickleball schedule but volleyball has been out of the question. It’s been very frustrating. Then on my recent trip to California I smashed up my left hip during a crash resulting in a hematoma that still has a golf ball sized rock in the affected area. So yea for a good portion of 2024 my health and fitness felt as good as it has in a very long time. The last few months, not so much.

I mentioned that I had no serious home improvement plans on the table for 2024 and that held true. I did lots of little small improvements but nothing that crossed into 4 digit territory.

I mentioned travel expectations were minimal but that was NOT the case. In addition to a trip to PA in early January I also visited California a total of four times, something I absolutely did not expect at this time last year.

Finally this was my quote regarding relationships – Do I have personal/relationship goals in 2024? After seeing how opening myself up to relationships this past year has worked out for me I don’t really know that looking for one is something I have interest in doing. If the stars align and I manage to fall into something down the road with a quality human being that’s great but I won’t be actively seeking anything out. I am past the age where I need female conquests to make me feel better about myself. I need to feel at peace, whether that is with or without a partner. Going day to day not knowing which end is up is not a way to live, I can attest to that.

How does that align with what actually transpired this year? Eh, I can touch on that in a bit.

I feel this year was one where I started caring less a lot about a lot of things. Politics is one example. Despite Trump being reelected I hardly allowed myself to get emotionally involved in the circus that has been transpiring this past year. I’m not a fan of politics at all at this point and convinced that whomever is sitting in that office is serving an agenda that has little to do with the greater good. I have shifted to worrying about things I can control, the corrupt American political system is not one of those things.

This shift in thinking has had a broader scope. In general 2024 has been filled with me giving less F’s. In some ways it feels freeing in others it feels like giving up on things/situations I once held value in or gave energy to. I have had examples of people acting in ways that surprised and/or disappointed me during the year. Hell, I am one of those people.

I think a dramatic turning point in my year was when I crashed and fell into traffic on my wheel, narrowly and unexplainably escaping dramatic injury and/or death. The incident shook me in a way I still am not quite sure I understand to this day. It increased my desire to value both myself and others I am close to. I never recall having a feeling I was going to die with such certainty.

There is an odd dynamic in my life where I have worked hard to get established, to get to a point where I have less must do’s to clear space for more want to do’s, with a goal of making my quality of life as good as I can. However despite those efforts I also have qualities that pull me away from that goal which is a constant struggle.

To be honest, the more I try to think about what 2024 has been for me, the less I want to dig into it. I have once again thrown around the idea of shutting down the blog once and for all. Twenty two years of doing this is pretty crazy, by any standard. I have thought about a reality where I stop sharing and just focus on what is real and tangible. It will take more thought. I’m not quite sure if writing the blog is serving me at this point.

So my goals for 2025 are very simple. Do the things and make decisions that lead me towards peace, happiness, satisfaction, and contentment. If something starts pulling me away from that goal I should let it drop off. The finish line for me where a conventional 9-5 existence no longer is required is approaching. I want to hit that line running, not limping. I have people in my life that love and support me, wanting nothing but the best possible outcomes for me. I appreciate and value those people.

My weekend was not very exciting as I continued to slowly climb out of the pit of illness. I still found energy to be a hard resource to accumulate. I did make my way to Rural King to pick up the gun, finally. The pick up process was a slog. By the end of it I was of the firm opinion that Rural King gun barn staff don’t really know their ass from a hole in the ground. Normally I would expand on exactly why that is but I don’t really feel like it. Bottom line is I have the gun and ammo and now need to get some training on it.

I accomplished one significant project over the weekend, replacing the boring old overhead fluorescent light fixture in the garage with a cool LED hex light configuration which I happened to see at Rural King.

The installation process took some time and a couple course corrections along the way. I am very happy with the end result. The lights are very bright, illuminating the garage to a level that approaches daylight. I did a brief video outlining the process.

I watched the Eagles take apart the Cowboys on Sunday without Jalen Hurts which was encouraging. I like other fans I’m sure were concerned that after the disappointing loss to the Commanders the Eagles could be starting another late season slide. Instead they came up big, winning the division and securing their spot as no worse than the number two team in the division.

Speaking of football I unknowingly secured third place in my fantasy football league. I am not kidding when I say I did not realize that I was in the 3/4 playoff game. I thought it was just another week, that is how little attention and care I put into this league. Well I wound up winning easily, securing third place in the 12 team league. The win secured me enough cash that at least paid for my entry this year so I can’t complain. An interesting side note, the team that won the championship did so after an undefeated season, which is highly improbable and something I have never seen.

One thing that was a casualty during this illness is my desire to shave. As a result my appearance is about as shaggy as I can recall in a very long time. I just don’t have a lot of f’s to give at this point in time.

I did watch a ton of TV during this time period, probably watching more shows in 6 days than I do normally in 6 months. I binge watched Squid Games 2, saw a bunch of Bond movies and the new thriller Carry On on Netflix, among others. Yes my body needed the rest but my mind goes a little nuts when I do a whole lot of nothing.

I guess I need to do a recap of the year but am finding the motivation to that lacking, as well.

So yesterday I had more energy than I did on Christmas but it sort of felt like instead of having an empty gas tank it was an eighth full instead. Still I was able to do basic things like make myself food, pick up a few things around the house and go to Dunkin Donuts to get coffee. I still spent a lot of the day consuming movies and dozing off. However the small improvement made me think that perhaps I could go into work today.

Last night however the coughing issues ramped up, enough that I kept waking up throughout the night. When the alarm went off I felt like shit so I decided to just take the day off again, giving me the weekend to get whatever is in my system knocked out. Being in this condition definitely messes with my state of mind, I don’t react well to long periods of doing very little that could be described as productive.

Someone said they were sorry that my Christmas was enveloped in sickness which was a nice thing to say. I responded with an optimistic answer, saying that you need to have a few bad Christmas’s so you can appreciate the good ones more. This one definitely is laying near the bottom of the barrel.

I am supposed to pick up my firearm today so that is something, I guess.

My Christmas Eve was on the quiet side. There were no gifts that needed to be bought and no visits or meals planned. I did however receive an unexpected and unwelcome gift, the feeling of impending illness. As the day progressed I was feeling progressively worse with a sense like my energy was draining, a dry cough, and a general feeling of malaise. I took two Unisom Christmas Eve in the hopes that a deep and prolonged sleep would lead to my waking up Christmas morning feeling refreshed. My plan was unsuccessful.

The Unisom definitely did keep me asleep. I did not crawl out of bed until something like 9:30 which is absolutely unheard of for me, especially on Christmas. However when I did awake I felt even worse. I now had chills, overall body pains, GI issues, and a severe lack of energy. Combining this illness with the reality of my first Christmas that involved just myself and Elsa in the house was a bad combination.

I opened the gifts I received from my family which were thoughtful and generous, the funniest being the picture my sister and Damon had made for me. I got the most enjoyment from opening Elsa’s gifts for her. Somehow she reacts to opening her presents and gets very excited when I pull out a new toy for her. She planted herself next to me the entire time. Still things felt hollow, not that I was surprised by it, I knew it would be.

The lethargy really kicked in after I opened the presents. I had maybe 15 minutes of clean up I needed to do but I laid on the couch for at least 90 minutes trying to summon the motivation and energy to do so. I hated feeling this way. This continued all day long where watching TV seemed like the most amount of work I was capable of doing at the time. I set my alarm for work but I knew I was unlikely to go in if I felt anything similar to how I was all day.

When 6:30 arrived with the alarm I immediately called off. I still felt miserable albeit slightly less so than the day before. I still have spent the majority of the day doing a whole lot of nothing but I can at least function at a basic level, which I couldn’t do 24 hours prior. I’m hoping to be able to regroup enough to drag myself into work tomorrow.

So yea, the 2024 version of Christmas was not what I would define as good. It was unique in the solitude that surrounded it for sure. I’m hoping the 2025 version marks a return to illness free and happy celebration instead of whatever mess I want to call this.

On Saturday morning I set the alarm to get up and play pickleball. I went solo. Sue hurt her foot this week playing and will likely not be able to play for awhile. My lower body was still hurting from the crash and a less than great IT band. I played for around two and a half hours. I did ok although I have a significant loss in my ability to move longer distances quickly which affects my effectiveness. I just want to feel normal again. I made arrangements to have breakfast with Sue after playing to catch up since it had been a couple weeks since I talked to her.

Later Saturday afternoon I made my first trip to Rural King in a very long time. When I was in the heyday of chicken ownership Cindy and I would be there nearly every weekend. I am not sure that I have been to Rural King once this year. I went to a department I never frequented before in all of my previous trips, the gun barn. I have recently had some interest in buying a gun, not because I am particularly worried about my safety, more of a curiosity. It seems that at least in Florida, almost everyone owns one.

They had a sale on a hand gun that I took advantage of. I asked the clerk what was required to purchase a gun. He said if I was a Florida resident with no felonies there was nothing else I needed. I had to answer a 26 question “test” to verify I did not have anything that would disqualify me for gun ownership. After completing that the guy said I had to wait around 15 minutes for the background check to complete. Wow, was he wrong.

I came back after 20 minutes and it was not complete so I grabbed a seat and waited another 20 minutes. When I asked another guy if the check came back yet he said no and he advised that I just go home and come back on Sunday. He said the checks have been very slow and he had one guy that waited four hours for his. I took his advice and went home with plans to pick up the firearm on Sunday. I have a number of friends with guns that have invited me to go to a shooting range in the past. I figured that would be a good way for me to gain familiarity.

Saturday night I decided to go out and do a ride around my neighborhood looking at Christmas lights. In past years I used to ride Victoria Park with Cindy and Katie but I had no desire to deal with the quagmire of people that brings with it. I took out my Inmotion E20 for the ride which was perfect. It’s slower speeds and stability with two wheels was a good combination to take it all in. There were a number of houses that were done up in an impressive manner, mine not being one of them.

My Sunday was very low key. After paying my bills I headed back to Rural King to presumably complete my purchase. I walked up to the counter and gave my name. The same clerk I originally dealt with said my background check was fine but I had to wait 3 business days to pick up the gun. I was confused. I told him I was told that once the background check was done that I was good to go. He said that he assumed I had my concealed carry permit. If I did then I could have picked up it up. Since I don’t this additional wait time is required. Because of the holiday this translates into me not being able to get the gun until Friday. It’s not a huge deal but annoying none the less since it is at least a 40 minute trip each way for me to get there.

I watched the Eagles accomplish something that is very hard to do, lose a game after winning the turnover battle 5-1. Hurts went out early with a concussion but the Eagles still were ahead almost the entire game until giving up a game ending TD to the Commanders with seconds to go. The defense, which has been surprisingly good this year, just could not shut Washington down when it mattered most. The game could have been locked up on the next to last possession if Devonta Smith caught a pass that would have been an easy first down and would have allowed the Birds to run out the clock. Instead it bounced off his hands and the rest is history. It was a bad loss, I can only hope this does not trigger a massive slide as what happened last year at the end of the season. They need to win their next game.

I was not in a good mood prior to the game. The end result amplified that negativity. I think the upcoming holidays that have a rather dim outlook combined with an overall sense of blah since I returned from the trip are contributing to a dark state of mind, not what I want. For decades I looked upon this time of year with anticipation and excitement. To instead shoulder shrug the holidays feels very foreign to me and something I don’t enjoy nor wish to replicate down the road.

We are off the next two days. Let’s see how it goes.