On the schedule, It’s coming for me

So I had been trying to get scheduled for the Johnson & Johnson shot for a few weeks unsuccessfully.  This week they announced they were suspending the vaccine because of a handful of women that experienced blood clots.  The length of the suspension is unknown but when I got a notice that they were doing the last round of employee vaccination with the Moderna vaccine I decided to pull the trigger and sign up.  My appointment is next Wednesday.

I know a number of people that have gotten the Moderna shot.  A number of them have had reactions which typically mimic flu symptoms albeit for only a couple days. This seems especially true after the second dose is given.  I’m not getting the shot because I have concern for myself dying from Covid.  As I mentioned previously I am pretty certain I already had covid back in December of 2019.  I am getting the shot to remove the proof of vax hurdle that will almost certainly be erected around doing certain activities as well as give Cindy some peace of mind.

For as long as I can remember I have dreaded the prospect of old age.  Part of the reason for that is the possibilities of losing your mind along the way, where you forget most aspects of your life and become more or less an empty husk.  When I look at my family history, there seems little chance I can avoid that fate if I live long enough.  Both of my grandparents on my mom’s side had dementia, not knowing who I was later in life.  My dad’s mom had some similar issues as well. The biggest thing I remember with her is how she would call the grand kids by the wrong name routinely.  She would of course instantly correct herself but it happened so often it stuck in my memory.  As my mom got older she quite often would forget things she said recently and tell me them a second time.  Sometimes I would correct her but most of the time I would just let her repeat herself. I now find myself exhibiting some of these characteristics, already.

The calling people/pets by wrong name thing has been going on for a little while.  I will be out in the chicken yard, looking at one chicken and calling it anothers name.  Of course the chickens don’t care but I certainly do.  I have had this weird issue where I can “misspeak” while typing.  This isn’t a typical typo, instead an entirely different word gets punched out by my fingers inexplicably at times. I also exhibit episodes of forgetfulness where I will tell someone something a second time or I will forget they told me something previously.  It’s frustrating and concerning, considering I am only 53 with a potentially long road ahead of me yet.

I think my adult focus on health and fitness has always had an aspect of me trying to change the typical outcome of aging, not only with the body degradation but the mind as well.  I hoped that living a healthier lifestyle than my parents/grandparents would short circuit whatever is the root cause of cognitive decline.  The realization that it doesn’t seem to make one iota of difference is a hard reality to acknowledge.  No I don’t think I will be a vegetable anytime soon but I find myself making conscious efforts to double check my thoughts and words to avoid embarrassing myself day to day. It’s awesome to be old.

This weekend I again will lose half of Saturday doing another office upgrade.  After that I hope to rebound quickly into our normal weekend routine.