My desire to dig into thinking about 2023 is minimal based on what just went down the last few days but it’s a two decade plus tradition that I am not interested in breaking at this moment in time. Let’s see what my goals for this year were. This is made more arduous since my ex’s name is splattered all over last year’s entry.

I talked about hoping for better health this year. I hoped to play more pickleball. I talked about playing volleyball and I talked about gaining weight. I hammered out all of these things. This time last year my body weight was very low, scraping against 170. Through aggressive eating and working out I topped out at 182 or 183 lbs a few months ago. Unfortunately I have dropped maybe 5 of those pounds due to stress and modified eating habits that my ex enjoyed. Pickleball is now a 3-4 times a week thing and I have been playing volleyball all year without hurting myself in a significant way which is surprising.

I talked about future home improvements but I was still in my old house at this time. I have spent a small fortune on home improvements since moving however getting new cabinets, counter tops, gutters, ceiling fans, and hurricane shutters, just off the top of my head.

I hoped to include more travel this year. The only air travel I did was to Texas and California (it’s a long story not designed to be explained here) Otherwise I stayed in state for the rest of the year.

I talked about realigning my finances and doing a better job of controlling compulsive buying. That is a fail, a hard fail. I have spent more money than ever in 2023, it just was on different things. Between relationships and home improvements I have thrown dollars out at a torrent pace. One of the benefits of being single is I can close that spending valve significantly.

The last thing I talked about was relationship goals. I had come off a year of being depressed and lost. I was for the first time in a long time optimistic at that time with the new relationship I was in. I had a very positive outlook that got disintegrated about a week into 2023. Since that time I had off and on relationships with my ex and Christine the entire year. It was filled with alternating cycles of hope, sadness, joy, and disappointment. I have never had this much drama in my personal relationships as I have this past year and I hope to never experience it again.

Usually I go back and review month by month posts to give you more comprehensive years in review. I am not doing that this year, instead relying on what stands out in my mind as I sit here today.

The biggest change of this year was of course my selling the house I have lived in since 2001. Getting the house ready to sell was a monumental effort that I took on almost entirely by myself. I mentally and literally purged myself from years of things, tossing out items that I once deemed valuable and not thinking twice about it. That mindset has remained 9 months later, I am much more willing to part with things than I once was.

The house I bought is a third smaller, has a tiny piece of land compared to the nearly 3 acres I once controlled and I love it. It’s location has been life changing for me, putting me only a few minutes away from my job and close to nearly everything I need.

I now pay someone to maintain my grass and clean my house because I am at the point where my time is more valuable than money. My responsibilities have been streamlined in order to give me free time to do more of what I want, when I want. It’s been a significant mindset change, for the better IMO.

One of the things I thought I would have lots of time for was my electric wheels and One Wheel. Instead I have seen my riding time tail off, significantly so during the times I was with my ex as she had no interest in learning how to ride. My 3D printing hobby has been on life support as well. My 3D store is almost dead and just have not found the interest to do anything significant on my print farm either.

I have done a lot more drinking in 2023. The discovery of Cayman Jack as my new Zima resulted in me consuming the drink in large amounts, sometimes for fun, sometimes to drown my sorrows.

Along with physical things I have dropped some other things like watching a lot of tv. I used to have my DVR loaded up with enough content for days. Now I deleted all recording schedules and just watch stuff when I feel like it. Even Friday night pizza has become a more miss than hit thing in my routine.

My blog was yet another target for reduction. The negative feelings my ex had regarding it resulted in my making it private for most of the year as well as my being more willing to restrict what I wrote to more sterile subjects to not ruffle feathers. The blog has since once again been made public and will remain that way.

From a work perspective I am doing great. My first full year as the IT director has come and gone without major ripples. My boss appreciates me and I appreciate my employees. At this point I have 6 years and change until I can retire with a full pension and am counting down the days.

To be very honest my brain is not functioning at a high level right now as anything else I can think of is tied into my two failed relationships and I don’t need to expand on it further.

So what the F do I want my 2024 to look like? That is a good question.

I hope my good health and fitness trends that have creeped upwards in 2023 continue to do so. I usually find motivation to push myself more physically when I am angry or frustrated with other aspects of my life so I should be good to go.

Home improvements this year will likely be minimal. There are things that I want to eventually do like update the master bathroom but it is not a must do. I need to see what my tax situation is going to be this year before doing anything else. The capital gains from the home sale are going to make things tricky.

Would I like to travel more in 2024? Sure. Would I like to travel myself? Not really. Other than visits potentially to see friends or family I don’t see much happening this year.

Do I have personal/relationship goals in 2024? After seeing how opening myself up to relationships this past year has worked out for me I don’t really know that looking for one is something I have interest in doing. If the stars align and I manage to fall into something down the road with a quality human being that’s great but I won’t be actively seeking anything out. I am past the age where I need female conquests to make me feel better about myself. I need to feel at peace, whether that is with or without a partner. Going day to day not knowing which end is up is not a way to live, I can attest to that.

I know this recap more or less sucks.

I hope you and yours have a great New Year celebration. You can likely find mine occurring drunk on a live stream.

It’s amazing to me just how much can change in the period of 24 hours. At this point it is embarrassing for me to even admit that my relationship status has flipped once again but it has. I have a lifelong history of being in long term, mostly stable relationships. This year has flipped that upside down.

I have a lot to mentally unpack. I have a lot of questions to ask myself. I have a lot of self accountability issues that I need to address as to how and why things have gone the way they have, repeatedly. I need to mourn my losses while keeping my gaze towards the future instead of the past, as that is all I can control.

I am certainly in a perfect state of mind to do my 2023 recap post…..

As I mentioned yesterday my dishwasher was having an issue where after several minutes of running it would stop and flash an error that indicated a draining problem. Yesterday I did some research and found that this is a common problem and if something as simple as blocked drain was not the cause it was likely the drain pump assembly.

As I have gotten older I have not been as eager to tear into things like this as I once was probably because of a better financial position and putting more value on time over money. The easy option would have been to just throw $600 at the problem and order a new dishwasher but after watching some videos on what is involved in replacing the drain pump I decided to have at it. I had replaced a drain pump in my old dishwasher at the old house as well so I knew it was in my wheelhouse.

Once I got the unit pulled out I disconnected the drain hose and blew into it to make sure there was no blockage. Air flowed normally so I was pretty certain the pump itself was the problem. Disconnecting/removing the pump was not difficult once I flipped the unit on it’s side to get access. Of course there was a minor pond created in the process despite my vacuuming out as much water as possible with the shop vac prior. Once I got the pump pulled I pulled the dishwasher to the side and cleaned up the mess. Part two will be Thursday when the replacement pump arrives. I’m crossing my fingers that I will wind up giving myself a $550 late Christmas present as a result.

My long time good friend Troy just got engaged to his long time girlfriend over Christmas. Troy is a couple years younger than I am. I met him when I first got into the computer industry back in the early 90’s. He was my initial IT mentor at the business. We still laugh about how I would ask him if it was ok to insert the next floppy disk to do a Lotus 1-2-3 installation on a new system we were integrating. I had no clue how to do anything. Luckily I am a fast learner. Anyway, I am very happy for him as he has a good woman that has his best interests at heart from everything I know. I hope they have a long and successful shared life in front of them. Congrats buddy.

With Christmas falling on a Monday this year it gave a less than optimal (for me) scenario where you wind up going back to work the day after the holiday. I normally appreciate having the day after Christmas off so I can spend time getting the house put back in order. Instead this year I had Friday off as well, since Christmas Eve is an official holiday for us.

The four days passed by quickly as they were busy with last minute Christmas to do’s. This year it felt like I was doing more scrambling than normal to get everything buttoned down. Usually I strive to get my Christmas related buying and prepping done around a week in advance. That was not the case this year.

I did get a chance to go out and ride on Christmas Eve, the first time I did so in a number of weeks. It felt good to roll around in the 75 degree weather on my Sherman S. I recorded the ride, posting my first YouTube video in a number of weeks as well.

I had an unwelcomed Christmas “present” this year, the dishwasher stopped working. For a few weeks occasionally the unit would throw an error that I could clear with a power cycle but now it appears to be a permanent problem. The error code it is throwing indicates a water drain issue. I am going to have to pull the unit out to see if there is some sort of obvious problem with the drain but if not a new dishwasher might be a belated Christmas gift for the household this year. Washing all dishes by hand is going to get tiresome very, very quickly for me.

Overall I had a very full and enjoyable Christmas day. I got to catch up with my family via phone where I thanked them for the gifts that were sent. Yea we still buy each other gifts even after vowing to only buy for the kids a number of years ago. Old habits are hard to break I suppose. I also caught a good portion of the Eagles game versus the Giants which wound up being way closer than it should have been.

This last week of the year is looking to be a sprint to the finish. I will be thankful when a more normalized day to day returns.

Well I guess my plan to not post on the blog until the Eagles win again isn’t working out well. (just kidding) I know there hasn’t been much outward presence from me in a little while. I’m happy to report that all is well. My 2023 holiday season has been very, very busy from all angles, so much so that I have found very little time to do much else. I haven’t shot a YouTube video or live streamed in several weeks either. Hopefully as the holiday season passes I will be able to find more normalcy. I have a work project that is going to be commandeering most of my attention for the next several weeks as well.

This will likely be my last post prior to Christmas. With the holiday falling on a Monday we have Friday and Monday off. I plan to fill those days with as many good things as possible. I hope you and yours have a great Christmas.

Here is one quick funny story as my Christmas gift to you. I received a birthday card from my buddy and long time volleyball partner Randall. He and I have had a long history of pranking each other in various ways. My personal favorite was when another friend of mine and I signed a sympathy card the night before we played Randall and another friend of ours in a tournament. As soon as we eliminated them from contention we handed Randall the sealed and signed card, offering our deepest sympathy for his loss.

Well I open the birthday card and it starts playing the infamous Rick Ashley song that is affiliated with being “rick rolled”. I smiled and closed the card but the music kept playing. Ok, I guess once the song is over it will stop. The song concluded and the music stopped, for a few seconds. It then blasted into another rendition of “Never Going to Give You Up”. I tried opening and closing the card again, no dice. I tried closing it harder, nope. I saw a little tab was held down by tape. I removed the tape and pulled the tab, the music persisted.

I originally was going to take a hammer to it but instead tore open the card a bit which revealed it’s true intent, not to wish you happy birthday, but annoy you instead. Inside the card was a handful of glitter, designed to be spread around when the card recipient tears open the card in frustration. Luckily my tear was a little more surgical in nature. I was able to access the main wire and disconnect it without any further glitter contamination. Well played Randall, well played.

It’s been a number of days since I’ve posted here. I have been busy with various holiday related tasks, pickleball, as well as a lot going on at work due to us finally moving ahead on setting up a temporary office on Marco Island to use until the original building that received significant flood damage from Ian is rebuilt.

Yesterday my co-worker/friend bought a new Tesla Model Y, making this the second person to do so using my referral in the last couple months. It adds up to a decent amount of Tesla spiff points that I can use to buy a number of things. I have not cashed in any of them yet.

As mentioned I have begun the process of Christmas gift procurement. Thanks to the wonders of Amazon it is a much less arduous task than it once was. I remember my early Christmas’s in Florida buying things the old fashioned way, wrapping them, boxing and then waiting in horrible lines to ship them. It was miserable. Nowadays a few clicks and you can get most of it done, wrapping and (mostly free) shipping included. Although there are certain areas of society where I think technology can be detrimental, shopping is not one of them.

As this year comes to a close I am finding myself very much looking forward to what 2024 has in store around the bend.

Yesterday Tesla finally had their launch for the Cybertruck, a vehicle I immediately placed a $100 reservation on the day it was announced 4 long years ago. The biggest mystery about yesterdays event was the price of the trucks. When I placed a deposit the dual motor version was supposedly going to be $49,900. My thought at that time was I could sell my Tacoma and replace it with a Cybertruck, giving me an all EV household. Yesterday my thoughts changed.

The announced price for the model I wanted was increased more than 50%, up to just under $80k. All of the trim models saw similar price jumps from their announced prices originally. Well needless to say I’m out. There is no way I am spending that much, it’s insane. In some ways I like the flexibility of having an ICE vehicle and I love my Tacoma. I’ll just be keeping things as is, sorry Elon.

Last night after work I was thinking about doing a night ride but decided against it. Instead I decided to go get some grocery shopping done at two places, Trader Joes and Costco. I had not been to Trader Joes in a very long time. Since I have been in relationships the last 6 months or so I have not had to rely on TJ’s nice variety of frozen meals that are easy to prepare. I filled my handheld shopping basket to the very top, hoping to be set with meals for a month or two.

Going to Costco later in the evening is always a good choice if you can swing it. I got to avoid the normal stampede of people that clog the aisles. It bordered on a pleasant experience, something I do not normally get shopping there. Between the two stops I have most of what I need to see me through to the new year. As I normally try to do, Elsa rode shotgun, sleeping on her dog beds in the back of the truck while I shopped.

This morning I had just added water to the bowl with the instant oatmeal mix. I opened the door to the microwave and somehow knocked the bowl out of my hand on a cabinet. The resulting mess was catastrophic. I had oatmeal shrapnel everywhere, on the counter, the stove, my leg/foot, the cabinets and especially the floor. I found a piece of oatmeal by the front door some 15 feet away. The only good news is the laminate floor is soft enough that the bowl didn’t break as well. I cleaned it up best I could but I expect to have to do another sweep of the area tonight. It wasn’t the best way to start my Friday.

This weekend has several possible paths. We will see which one I choose.

Although I have had a very bumpy ride in 2023 in some aspects one area that I absolutely can not complain about is my physical wellness this past year. For the first time in at least a half decade I have managed to do more than slow the descent. Instead I have seen my physical self improve in ways that I did not expect. Take the last 48 hours as an example.

On Tuesday at lunch I did a yoga class followed by two hours of sand volleyball in the evening. Yesterday I played pickleball at lunch and then once again after work and you know what? I feel fine. When I first started playing pickleball I had both of my knees in braces and I only played once a week because it was all I thought my body could tolerate. Now I feel like I could play every day if I wanted to.

Playing sand volleyball for the first time in more than a dozen years was another thing that was never imagined. Again when I started playing the physical impact was harsh but as time has progressed it’s just become another thing I do without worrying much about how it affects me.

At the gym most of my strength numbers have gotten better this year. The debilitating lower back pain that was impacting me in a major way has lessened as well thanks to some additional stretching and strength work targeted in the area. When I used to do several exercises at the gym my back used to creak and crack, it doesn’t anymore. So what changed?

When the year started my weight was low, really low, at times scraping against 170 pounds. I attributed a lot of it to stress although I actually was run through a number of medical tests last year just to make sure it wasn’t something else. Since then I have been forcing myself to eat more, more than what felt normal for me. I have been able to push my nighttime weight up to 180lbs. The additional weight lead to additional strength.

I also think a significant part of my improvement has been mental. Although the way my brain works can be a curse in other aspects of my life, it can be an asset when it comes to other areas like physically challenging myself. For awhile I had sort of just accepted that I was going to continue to decline physically with each passing year. I stopped accepting that as being written in stone. If your mind is open to pushing against the walls of your box the body will do it’s best to follow orders.

Now if I can find a way to harness that determination and drive to clean up other aspects of my life things would be all rainbows and butterflies. I don’t give up easily.

In the past when I would go on a trip or vacation I would take a lot care to try to accurately recall any and all pertinent details of the time. I’m not doing that anymore. We are relying on good old fashioned memory and my ability to go back in and add things later if I forget something.

I took off Wednesday to give me plenty of time to prepare for the trip. I actually spent most of the day doing non-trip related things other than dropping off Elsa at Ali’s place during the afternoon. I even got a lunchtime pickleball session in. Packing was done in less than a half hour and as is the norm, I packed more than necessary, just in case.

My flight was very early Thanksgiving morning, 7AM to be exact, meaning I needed to try to get to the airport a little after 5 which put me on the road from my house around 4:30AM. I used air miles I had banked for this flight. Not only did I use them, I used a lot of them to upgrade my flight to Dallas to first class. I was in the first row of the plane. In retrospect it wasn’t really worth it. Yea I got as nice meal but otherwise I didn’t experience anything better than if I paid $75 more for an exit row seat.

I arrived at the Dallas airport a little after 9AM local time. As I walked towards baggage claim from the corner of my eye I saw people waving against the glass. I laughed when I turned and saw it was Torrin’s family. I gave everyone a hug when I cleared the door. I had to be light with Damon as he apparently sustained a rib injury in jujitsu class that was very painful.

When we got back to their place I was warmly greeted by their dog Ozzy who is a bundle of energy. It didn’t take long until he presented me with his rope to play tug of war with.

Damon showed me his latest project, a covered rear patio. He has the overhead section of the project almost done. I could hardly believe when he said he did everything I was looking at over the course of two weekends. He was a general contractor who built homes for years so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised but I still was. He can build/fix pretty much anything. I feel I am relatively handy but compared to Damon it’s not even close.

We wound up having a very traditional Thanksgiving that was filled with football, food, and family. They prepared a nice piece of salmon for me in lieu of a turkey. The meal was topped off by a massive selection of deserts. I also drank a massive amount of Cayman Jacks along the way. I am almost certain I reached double digits. As last time I was there I slept in the top bedroom which doubles as the kids classroom and video game headquarters. I got some play time in with Griffin and Emily.

On Friday we made a trip the National Video Game museum. Torrin is very familiar with how into video games I was as a kid growing up and the place was only a half hour from their house so it was easy to do.

The place was super cool, filled with tons of games, consoles and computers that I owned or used before. They had tons of working units that you could hop on and play various retro titles. At the end of it all was a large arcade again filled with the classics, each only costing on 25 cent token to play, like the good old days. It was very much a throwback experience that I enjoyed along with everyone else.

During the afternoon I offered to help Damon with putting up more outdoor Christmas lights. He had already put a bunch up himself but he had a lot more lights to get up there. Our biggest task was setting up the largest hanging tree you see in the picture. That took some careful engineering and beanbag tossing to make happen. When I was there two years ago I think I helped with some lights as well. It was cool to pitch in.

We got to do a little PEV riding during the afternoon as well. I hopped on my old One Wheel XR which I gave to the kids last year. Damon rode his V11 EUC he bought from me and the kids were both on their e-bikes. We rode around the nearby park which also has a couple pickleball courts. It was a fun little ride.

Saturday was Emily’s birthday, the first one that I was actually present for. She turned 17 which seems impossible as I can clearly holding her in my arms as a little baby what seems like not so long ago. We went to the movies around noon, we saw “Next Goal Wins”, a feel good type movie about the American Samoa soccer team.

For dinner Emily wanted to go to a hibachi restaurant where they prepare the food right in front of you utilizing a lot of Japanese flair. I had not been to one of these style places in a very long time. It was entertaining with good food to boot. Everyone seemed to enjoy the experience.

When we got home Emily’s last wish was we play more video games, one of her favorite hobbies. I played a bunch over the three days I was there with the kids. Of course they killed me in pretty much everything we tried but it was still fun to bond with them in that way.

My flight out was a little after 8AM Sunday. I felt bad having to get dropped off there a little after 6. The whole family crawled out of bed to see me off at the airport though which was very sweet. I thanked them for everything and gave everyone one last hug. Hopefully the Earth doesn’t need to go around the sun another two times before I see them again. It’s amazing how much 14 year old Griffin had grown since I saw him last. I swear it looked like he popped up almost a foot.

My flight back had a gate change and a minor 30 minute delay but otherwise was smooth sailing. I had the front bulkhead seat behind first class this time so comfort was still not a problem. The roughly 3 hour flight passed by pretty quickly as I half napped through a lot of it.

After grabbing my truck it was off to pick up Elsa. She only got to see Ali this time since Shugs was out of town which was unfortunate for both Shugs and Elsa. Elsa got a good report card and as usual was reluctant to get in the truck to get home.

Once home I started laundry and shot to the grocery store to get the few items I needed for the week. I tended to various small things during the afternoon before the Eagles/Bills game came on. That game was insane.

The Bills were controlling things for the majority of the game, running the ball at will with their QB making the Eagles look bad. However in the second half the Eagles came back from another 10 point halftime deficit and had a late lead, that they again gave up. They got the ball back with little time and managed to get to the Bills side of the field in makeable FG range until they took a couple penalties that pushed them back to the point where Jake Elliot had to try a 60 yard attempt. The conditions were bad, it had been raining the entire game. I thought there was no way he could make it. He did. He drilled the ball low and fast, it cleared the crossbar with room to spare, sending the game into OT.

In OT the Bills won the toss and drove straight down the field, threatening to get a game winning TD. The defense manages to force a field goal instead which put the pressure on the offense. The had to either kick a FG or get a TD for the game to continue. They went the latter route. When Jalen Hurts ran in for the game winning TD I yelled out loud in a house where only Elsa could hear me. I could not believe they found a way to win that game. Maybe the have the magic again this year, just maybe.

I took today off as well. I normally like to have the day after a trip clear although in reality my new living situation hardly requires it. In the past I would be scrambling to do yardwork, clean the pool, and handle the myriad of other tasks my old life demanded of me. Instead I came home to mowed grass, a clean house and very little resistance to inserting myself back into normal life.

I had said that my hope was the trip would help shake me from some of the dark thoughts that were floating around and it did. Seeing family is a good reminder of what it’s like to be with people that just have your back because they love you, always. I need to keep making the effort to focus on future success instead of past failure.

Yesterday I left work early to get stuff done. First off was getting a haircut for the holiday travel. I shot over to Sport Clips and got that taken care of quickly. I then stopped at Home Depot to grab some tree ornaments and two strings of icicle lights for outside. When I got home I wanted to get the new Christmas tree I have had in a box for a couple months set up. To make room for the tree I moved the dining room table to the open space I have in the kitchen. This was a very tight fit. I had to actually turn the table on it’s side to be able to barely navigate the somewhat narrow entrance to the kitchen.

This is a Mr Christmas tree that has Alexa integration. Setting the tree up was easy enough. I had the tree upright in 10 minutes or less. Getting the tree connected to Alexa was a little more challenging but I got it figured out and was soon able to change the color and patterns via voice control which I really like.

From the start of the tree process I was not in good spirits. I realized that this potentially will be my first truly solo Christmas in a very, very long time. Cindy and I split in September of 2021 but that Christmas I still celebrated with her daughter and DJ. Last year I was in a relationship over the holidays and at the time thought it was the launching point for something good. This year there is nothing really on the horizon and it pulled me down.

I tried to kickstart a festive and happy holiday mood by playing Christmas music but I shut it off after a few minutes. I had the trashcan nearby as I tossed out ornaments that were tied to past relationships which of course is not going to evoke happy feelings either. I wound up taking a task based approach where I just wanted to get it done instead of enjoying what historically is a fun thing. It sucked.

I went and grabbed dinner at the bar at Bruninas. Hanging and talking with some other people helped lighten the mental load a bit.

Today I will get the outside lights up, play pickleball, drop off Elsa at Ali’s and then figure out what I need to pack for Texas. The weather there appears to be on the chilly side for most of my visit. My flight takes off bright and early tomorrow at 7AM. The good news it gets me to Dallas before 10AM local time so I will be able to enjoy Thanksgiving dinner with Torrin’s family.

I am hoping the trip serves as a good mental shot in the arm. I didn’t really think much about how the holidays could hit me this year, until they hit me. I need to keep busy, engaged and drunk.